Through Thick and Thin
by AlwaysextraordinaryMuse
Summary: Kate never wanted to feel the way she felt the night she returned home that cold night on January 9th, 1999. She didn't want to love and lose again so she figured better not to love at all. But she was feeling it again. Reliving that cold, horrific night as she steps into the frustrating case of Rick Castle's disappearance that will emotionally wreck her.
1. The Dark Night

Kate loved the feeling of being connected. She longed to feel connected with the world, that's why she loved public transportation so much. She had to avoid it when it came to getting to and from work during the week but tonight, tonight she was ready to connect. She stood still. Right arm folded at a ninety degree angle. The back of her thumb just inches away from her breast. In her hand, a long, cold, steel pole with an arch at the top, protecting her from falling acid that now covered the night in darkness. The glow of bright light-post dripped patterns down the black plastic and fell to splash against the concrete sidewalk as it flickered above her, leaving Kate to sort through her unnerving thoughts.

The roar of the city bus engine reached in and pulled Kate out of the darkness that blurred her vision. Her eyes lifted, giving up and finding patterns in concrete. The doors swung open and she pulled down her shelter, closing it before entering the bus, letting a handful of acid drops reflect off her leather coat and bounce to seep into her skin. Each carrying a memory, each breaking in collision with her, warm skin turned cold, she took three weak steps into the bus and swiped her card.

She made her way to the back of the bus, arms lifting to grab hold of every pole she passed. Her stabilizers. She found a seat and sat down beside the window. She loved looking out the window as the bus drove passed civilization. The outlook on life as it flies by without warning.

The bus was empty by then. It was 12:47 am; you've got to have a few loose screws to be out this time of night in New York City, but that didn't stop Kate. No, she was a detective. She was supposed to be strong, forceful and willing. Supposed to. But things have changed dramatically ever since that night. May 7th, 2012. When Kate knew she had to take action or she'd lose him for good. The constant battle in her head was silenced long enough for her to grab on to that courage and ride it. Straight to his doorstep. That night, Kate allowed herself to be vulnerable. She opened that door and found that, this, whatever it was she felt, was so strong she began to act irrational toward the morals and promises she had made herself 14 years ago. January 9th, 1999. It will be fourteen years, this January that she made the promise to herself that she would never feel this much for a person. She would not allow herself to love this much only to feel the pain and absolute terror that follows their death.

She no longer felt the power she possessed years ago. The strange thing about Rick was that he made her feel powerful and vulnerable at the same time. When he was just a ride-along she felt so powerful, being in control, she was able to see what her every move did to him. Her every sway left a mark in his eye. The early years of their partnership were fun at times, she could not deny that. But now, now that they have crossed that line, there was no going back. There was no way they could go back to the way it was three years ago if things went south. The thought entered her mind last night.

It had been their first argument as a couple, yet both of them knew it had been a pointless one. Kate was not even sure if she remembered the real reason she acted that way, but what did stick was the words, like knives, she threw at him. Kate wanted him to know she became irrational when she was caught in a bad case, and she figured he knew. She figured. He did know the way she became when she had no suspect, but all he wanted was for her to say it. He was tired of her expecting him to understand, he wanted her to acknowledge the effort it took to give her space when all he wanted to do was hold her tight and never let go. He wished she could see that.

Kate had entered the bus that night with the intention of going over to his place and wordlessly apologizing to him for everything she has put him through. That was not the thought that was racing through her mind as she stepped off the bus almost twenty minutes later.

Kate sat there, head leaning against the window as drops slowed down. The glow of Christmas lights intensified the effect of raindrops upon the glass window. She wanted to hold him, the way she knew he wanted to hold her. She did not know why she found it so hard to speak the words she knew he wanted to hear.

She was ready tonight.

The bus ride did not prepare her for what she was coming to face as the bus turned the corner. Unconsciously, she peeled her head off the window. The flashing of colours she knew all too well. Red, blue, red, blue. Over and over again, the colours spun wildly creating a tornado of emotions.

Yellow tape creating a barrier around her heart. She pressed the button and commanded the driver to stop as she reached for the pole to steady her descent.

When her boot collided with cold concrete, she could have sworn the rain intensified all over again. Although she knew sirens echoed against every brick wall in sight, she heard no sound but the wind.

Her legs, weak from terror, carried her to the gathering police officers. Her eyes searched the crowd for a familiar face but came up empty. With shaking hands, she crossed the street. Nearly getting run over, Kate did not flinch. She pressed on until she saw something she did not want to. Her friend walked out of the front door with a saddened expression. The woman looked up with regret, searching the crowd. Her posture, stiff, assuring Kate that this was, in fact, what she thought it was.

The ME's voice was soft but clear, "Kate, you don't want to go in there." She saw pain and fear grow within her friend's eyes. "Trust me, don't go in there," she pleaded, "Kate.." her voice became dense with compassion, but Kate pressed on. Step by step, brick by brick, she stumbled toward his front door only to confirm that it had, in fact, been ripped off its hinges.

Kate didn't know which was worse, the fact that there was so much blood and Rick was most probably dead, or that he might still be out there, alive, clearly severely injured, but out there somewhere, unable to get back to her.


	2. A Nightmare Seeps

Kate stood just inches away from his front door. Wood splinters lay across the floor. The scent of blood stung her nostrils, scraping her insides as it seeps in, leaving scars. In a few moments three detectives gathered behind her. She recognized the sound of her boys' shoes as they clashed with the empty hallway floor, echoing against the walls, but one extra set of shuffles? Heels? Detective Ryan stepped forward stopping right beside her, showing support to his friend. Hands in his pockets, the detective looked to the floor, almost as if he knew this day would come.

"Beckett..." the formality of his voice shot through her like a spear.

Without a word she took her next steps into his loft. Following her like loyal puppies that had just been abandoned, the detective's looked around in attempt to understand what this was all about. They knew the basics. The questions they had asked friends and family of the victim's, case after case. This was no ordinary case. _Did you notice anything off about the victim?_The victim. It sounded so harsh, so insensitive. _Is there anyone you can think of who might have done this? ___Done this. Being on the other side of the fence, the detectives realized how insincere their standard questions were.

Detectives Ryan and Karpowski spread out, covering more ground. They looked around without wanting to witness any of this.

Kate found herself staring at his kitchen table. The spot that had been so special to them just nights before.

_Having just come out of the shower, Kate found him standing beside the table in the dim candle-lit room. He took a few slow, steady steps in her direction, stopping when he was satisfied with the distance between them. Their noses grazed. His hand came up to brush her wet hair behind her ear._

_"This brings back memories," he laughed. His smile woke her from the spell she was under, "Yeah," she smiled back with a sincere and heart filled smile._

_The two walked hand-in-hand to the table. Rick pulled the chair out and gestured her to sit._

_He had been such a gentleman that night; like he was all the time but tonight he knew she needed it more than anything._

_ She felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. After a long, hard case like the one they had wrapped just two hours ago. This is what she needed. This was what brought his Kate back to him._

_He remained behind her. Her back settled in the arch of the chair, head resting on his chest. She lifted her right hand, travelled across her chest to find his free hand and held it gently, like a fragile baby. His chest rose and fell with his every breath as it swayed her head softly with it. They stayed there, frozen in time._

"Beckett…" his voice, gravel and low, shook her back to reality, there stood one of her boys, the boys that she worked with every day and had come to love. Her family. There were only three people in the world she was sure of would take a bullet for her. Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito were two of the three.

She turned to find herself lost within eyes so deep and tragic. Like black holes of torment and pain.

"We'll find him," the voice that was once full of sadness and pain turned hopeful with a hint of forceful laughter in seconds. "It's Castle, he'll goof his way out of this," his eyes broke contact. Wandering around the room, he suddenly realized he would rather have to face a sad and petrified Beckett than look at the evidence and allow his mind to wander to dark corners of the truth, "whatever this is," he added. The two of them looked around until she slipped back into her daydream and Detective Esposito joined the others.

_"All I'm saying is that, if it were a good show it would have lasted longer on air," he mocked as he turned off the television and joined her in the kitchen._

_A wicked smile crept upon her face, "if you expect to get lucky tonight I suggest you finish that sentence there," she played._

_The two smiled at each other for what felt like an eternity. "Well, dig in," he ordered with a sweet smile, "you don't want it to get cold, do you?" he said as she slide her hand across the table._

_"I'm not that hungry, I'm not in the mood to eat right now," she responded with a pondering up a thought of her own._

_"What did you have in mind?" his lips came up at the corner of his mouth, mimicking the motion of his left eyebrow._

_"Oh, I think you know what I'm in the mood for," letting go of his hand and leaning back in her chair. She brought up her hand to her lips as she nibbled at the skin until he pushed his chair back and met her there, stretching his hand out to receive hers. _

Her body rocked slowly forward until it looked like it would collapse on the floor but ultimately pressed up against the kitchen table. The three detectives stood several feet away and watched as their friend attempted to regain control of her emotions.

"Should we do something? I don't like seeing her like this," whispered Detective Karpowski, looking at the woman she looked up to on the police force. The only person in the precinct who didn't talk to her like she was a little girl who couldn't handle anything more than writing up a speeding ticket.

"There's nothing we can do except find out what the hell is going on and kill the bastard who did this." Spat a pissed off detective.

"Javier…" his voice was low and controlled, "I know this is hard, it's hard for all of us. He's going to be fine, I mean," he looked around, and for a split second it looked as if he was going to cry right there, in the middle of a crime scene, "he always is."

A man called the detectives into Rick's study. Two sets of shoes slowly shuffled, cautiously toward the room situated ten feet from where they stood, as one detective stayed frozen, looking at Kate with growing sorrow, "he always is," he whispered to himself. He brought his hands together and began to twist his golden wedding band on his left hand, a gesture Rick had called him on earlier that week.

_"Ryan, would you please…" his voice was half making fun and half annoyed, "seriously, it's like your poker tell."_

_"What?" he asked._

_"That thing you do with your ring, whenever you're nervous you play with your ring," Rick pointed out._

_"No I don't," he defended._

_"Would you two be quiet? We're supposed to be undercover. Do you want to take this up with Del Fito and his crew, as well? I'm sure they wouldn't mind taking a break from their criminal activities for a moment to help you two girls sort this out, because I can just turn on my lights and call them over. Maybe they'll find this whole thing funny and not shoot us." Kate turned around to face the boys in the back seat. Her sarcastic tone stung the vehicle to silence._

Ryan looked down at his hands and pulled them apart, placing them unsteadily in his pockets. He took one last glance at Kate and walked into the study to join the rest of the detectives.

_"Castle, do you ever think about where you'd be if we never met?" she asked._

_"No," he replied._

_Kate stood, awaiting more of an answer, "no? That's it?" _

_"Because that doesn't matter to me. Any life other than the one I lead today, with you, is a life I can't even imagine," he smile as he pulled his coat off. _

_He turned to help remove her coat. In shock, he stopped dead in his tracks. Her majestic beauty took him to high places as he breathed in her cherry scent. She had turned to face him, close enough to hold him, as he had turned. They smiled in sync, like screenplay. His eyes twinkled, gazing at the depths of her beauty. She reached out to stroke his cheek as be bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. His hands travelled down her back, gliding along her thighs. With one single motion, he placed her upon the kitchen table. Hands on either side of her legs stationed on the table as she fisted at his chest, grabbing his collar and pulling him close._

The spot his hands were placed that very night was now replaced with disturbing tools. Tools of torture methods. A tear found its way down her face as she studied a blood-covered hammer and screwdrivers. Emotions took over her body as she reached for the hammer, grabbing it with force and flinging it across the room until it smashed a gaping whole into the only blood-free wall in sight.

Within seconds detectives began to pour out of the study and gathered behind her in curiosity, keeping a reasonable distance from the raged detective who stood still, fists clenched, eyes burning holes in the floor.

Static sounds and loud thumps caught Kate's attention. Rick's flat screen television turned bright, hot white. Flickering lights reflected against her teary eyes. Silence stung the room. The screen flickered black and white static waves. The image burned and marked a spot in her mind. It was soon replace with a silhouetted man standing few feet from the camera. In the distance, Kate made out a figure. A body curled up on a cold, ceramic floor.


	3. Hurricane

Kate's hands shook viciously against her thighs. The medical examiner stepped into the loft only to see her friend break down once more.

Wordlessly, the ME walked up to her friend and placed her left hand on Kate's shoulder, bringing her free hand to stop her vicious shaking.

"Kate…" her voice died out. The two of them stood on the blood-soaked carpet soundlessly for a few seconds until the up-right figure stepped closer to the camera, masked, and wearing a black hoodie, the man spoke.

"Hello, Kate."

The room shook like thunder. At least it did for Kate. The room of detectives studied the dark screen attentively, searching for clues, only to come up with the obvious. The room was dark. The abductor remained unknown, hiding behind a mask like a coward. From what they could see, a man, hands bound behind his back, lay there on the floor in what looked like a pool of blood. These were not helpful facts. The abducted man was still unknown to them as they could not get a clear enough look at him, but from what the evidence brought, they were all certain it was the man who brought joy and good coffee to the precinct. Everyone loved him. Well, almost everyone.

"We meet again, detective," his voice, cold like stone, sent a chill up her spine, "let us play a game."

_Play a game? _Was this some kind of sick joke to him? The thrill of the hunt? The cold drip of blood?

He was some kind of sick psychopath who found pleasure in watching people die. Even if that meant breaking them down and killing them inside.

_"Tell me something, Castle, why did he let you live?" She asked._

_"To punish me, to make me pay for ruining his plan. Now he's going to kill again all because I couldn't stop him," he looked out at the reflection in the pool where they sat, "and I feel so…" he shook his head as his voice trailed and died off. Kate placed her hand on his knee. She understood how he felt. "I know the feeling," she said._

Kate stood there. Eyes locked on the screen. Her heels still dripping with raindrops. She felt the heavy weight of her friends hand upon her shoulder, of the beaming stares from her fellow co-workers. Kate knew who she was dealing with, and it only made it so much more uncomforting to take in.

_"He's going to kill me, Kate. I can't run. I can't hide. What am I supposed to do?" The memory of the cold steel of the gate against her hand that separated her from Rick just a month and a half ago felt like a stab from a cold metal knife._

Memories of that night on the bridge came flooding back, untameable.

_"Castle! Are you watching? I want you to see this." He held his gun to her chest, pulling her stiff body toward the damaged car. "Castle! Come on, I want you to watch. I want you to watch as I take her life!" Kate felt the pain in her shoulder as she relived the moment she felt completely useless._

_Arms pulled back. She was restrained from any moment other than the slow pull toward the car to her certain death while Castle would have been forced to watch. They neared the window on the passenger's side only to find it empty. Kate felt a sense of hope._

_"Over here," the familiar sound of his voice trailed from behind them._

_He spun around using Kate's body as a shield. Castle unleashed a full round into his chest, throwing him over the edge just as Kate dropped to take cover._

The memories played in her head like a broken record.

_"They still haven't found the body," she said as she made her way over to him leaning against a police car. She took the spot beside him, looking around, investigating without investigating, like she always did._

_"They won't. He's not dead."_

_"Castle, what are you saying?"_

_"This was never about me, this was about him. Those initials in her date-book? He's not that careless, he wanted us to find that place. He wanted us on this bridge."_

_"You think he planned this?"_

_"How does a wanted man stop being wanted?"_

_She stood there, finally understanding where he was going with all of it. He threw a glance over his shoulder, in the direction the man had fallen._

_"It has to be public, and it has to be final."_

_"Do you know how crazy that sounds?" Kate knew that sometimes his crazy stories came true, but this one, this one had to be wrong. She needed it to be wrong._

_"No one's going to be looking for him anymore."_

_"You shot him. He's dead. It's over," she assured him, walking away._

A final drop rolled off of Kate's heel and clashed with Rick's carpet. Moments became days. Every second she stood there she could feel him slipping away. Further out of her reach.

"Tyson." The name felt cold on her lips.


	4. Unknown Party

The halls creaked in silence. Wind clashed against the windows, causing the most daring of sounds, like an abandoned station whipped out by disease. The elevator's ding was something of a forgotten sound.

The 12 precinct had been a depressing place to be for the last week.

"No word yet?" the man walked in to the break room to join her.

"No," the word fell out of her mouth like ash, and for a moment, he saw her vulnerable again. "Javi, what if he's not coming back? What if this is it?" The words made their way out, she didn't know how, but they did.

"Don't think like that," his eyes saddened.

"What am I supposed to think? It's been a week since we've heard from Tyson! I just… I just keep picturing – "

"Stop it. Castle wouldn't want you to.."

"Castle wouldn't want? If Castle wouldn't want me to be like this he would be here! He would be here to tell me things were okay and come up with some ridiculous story to make all of this make sense!" Her arms flew up grabbing hold of the coffee machine, sending it across the room.

A loud crash shook the entire precinct awake. Detectives swarmed in the room like a herd of zombies. Kevin Ryan was one of the faces within the crowd as they peered in to see what had happened. The floor, carpeted with crushed coffee beans and steaming water, left a bitter smell in the air as it ranged in emotion.

A handful of detectives stayed where they were, looking from a distance at the scene that built up in the break room.

"Karpowski?" the hushed voice called as the detective made his way to her desk.

Roselyn Karpowski jumped up in her seat and hurried to look innocent, "yes?"

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to startle you. I was just wondering if you could give this to Detective Beckett for me?" He asked as he brought his arm up, almost forcing the file into her face.

"Me?" She rose to her feet shuffling a stack of papers together, "Why me? I can't, I have to go… get …" she searched around eagerly for an excuse, picking up the papers, "these done. I have to. The papers." She swung her arm back and forth indicating the stack of papers she held. "I've got paperwork, sorry." Her heels clacked against the marble floor as she turned the corner and shook off the awkward feelings that lingered.

Each detective had a particular job. That job involved avoiding a certain detective by sitting at their desk all day long. And when the time came that she'd step out into sight, they'd pick up a piece of paper and make themselves look busy on the case. The uncomforting feeling of it all made the precinct a hard working environment.

The detectives were all off in their corners, preparing speeches, writing up reports, looking through boxes of evidence, even surfing the internet to read up on the latest tabloids. No one knew how to talk to Kate. No one had seen her lose control of her emotions the way she had in his loft.

Two gentle knocks against the wooden doorframe were the only warning given to her as she sat neatly on a chair in the break room. Trying to get herself together, Kate turned around and stood up. "Hey," she breathed.

The woman walked into the break room, certain that her friend would think it was a comforting visit but pressed on anyway.

"Kate," she half whispered, attempting but failing to bring her voice to a normal tone, "how are you feeling?" She placed her hand on Kate's shoulder

"I'm okay, I've been better, you know? She attempted to joke but wounded up sending a shooting pain to her gut as she heard her own response echo in her ear.

"Yeah," she affirmed in a hushed voice as she led her back to the spot she had reserved at the table with an empty box of tissues. "Come here. Sit down, Kate." The two of them sat down. The ME placed her hand in Kate's as a sign of comfort.

"I don't know what to do, Lanie. Every time I try to think, I try to help bring him back, I have to look at the evidence and it pulls me back down again." A tear unwillingly streamed down her cheek. "I'm scared."

"Doctor Parish, what are you doing here?" The captain's head peered into the room with question.

Lanie Parish turned her head, sending her black hair flying over her shoulder, "Um, I was just…"

"Coming to bring some news?" The captain finished.

"Um, yes," she nodded, pressing her lips together.

"And…?" The captain awaited the news. "What did you find?"

"I, uh," she trailed off as her eyes studied Kate's posture.

"Spit it out Dr. Parish."

Her dark eyes traveled back to the captain, "I've got the lab results for the blood work on the blood at Castle's apartment." There it was. The unspeakable truth to the situation was in arms reach tonight, and Kate felt that darkness pulling her in once more. Her hand reached into the briefcase she carried with her, pulling out a file, the very file that could shatter Kate's world all over again, like it had on January 9th, 1999.

"The results show…" she paused a moment, waiting on Kate's okay to carry on with her findings, and when she nodded her head once, Lanie knew there was no going back. "The results came back a match," Dr. Parish made one last attempt to spare her friend the pain that would inevitably overcome her when she breathes those last words, "the blood work was a match to Jerry Tyson," hands shaking, Lanie handed the paperwork over to the captain, "and Richard Castle." Kate somehow sensed this was not the final blow hidden within this sick game. "The results also show two other potential victim's , or suspect's blood found at the… the crime scene."

"An additional two victims?" Questioned the Captain.

"Or suspects," she offered, "yes, I found two extra blood samples that aren't in the system."

"Are you telling me there is the blood of four different people in that apartment?"

"Yes, sir. Jerry Tyson, Castle and two unknown people, the only thing I can tell you is that one of the samples was from someone under the age of 20." The room stung in silence. A lingering bitterness dripped on Kate's bared skin, causing numbness like no other.

"So we're looking for a young adult, or teenager, who has no priors and was in Castle's loft?" the Captain pressed on, "this is good." She took a moment to look at Kate whose head now rested in her palms, "Well, not good but, you know; now we have something to go on. Good work, Dr. Parish." Victoria Gates was never known to be caring and considerate towards Kate Beckett, however, both Kate and Dr. Parish knew that no matter her reasons before, she understood the emotions running through her lead detective in this particular situation and was respectful enough to consider them.

"How old is his daughter?" There they were. The unspoken words that had been lingering around. Gates was greatly affected by the intention of her words, the words they all couldn't bring themselves to say.

A single pair of heavy footsteps echoed across the precinct walls, drawing the attention of every single person in the building as he continued. Step by step. There were only few sounds in the precinct at that moment. The sound of a pencil drop, the thumping of feet, gasps which had escaped the mouths of shocked detectives, and the loud, echoing drip of red liquid as it splashed against the hard floor, as molecules broke apart creating a bigger mess than expected.


	5. Unspoken Words

A long strip of drops paved the way. A few gathered spots painted the elevator floor red while single drops led the way from the 12th elevator to the break room that now contained one more person.

His very step sent cold chills into the heart of the 12th precinct.

The three women would have lost track of their conversation if they were actually keeping up a conversation. The captain's position lost all formalities at the sight of the unknown member who now stood before them.

Kate's position was greatly disturbed, as if her unsteady support beams had been pulled out from under her expectantly; her head began to fall the slightest bit just before it sprung up in shock. Her dark grey sweater wrapped tightly around her fragile body, sleeves, seemingly too long for her spidery arms, wrapped her fists to come to a warm ball of material in her palms.

The man took one step closer to the table, placing the tips of three of his fingers there as if to steady himself. He was tall, and broad.

Kate couldn't put her finger on it, but something, something that glimmered across the man's eyes sent comfort and ease to her unsettled mind.

The man looked straight ahead to the counter which was the placed for the coffee machine it had adopted four years ago, but this time the coffee machine was replaced with a television set. The black framed captured a terrifying sight.

A man tied down to a chair, duct-tape covered the bottom of his pants, bound his wrists, and restricted his mouth. His dark blue buttoned shirt had spots of liquid red and patches of dark dust, a sight the women had been studying for hours, but all attention was turned to the blood-covered, well-dressed man who stood before them in the break room.

The three women traced his eyes to the screen and all pulled away, all but one set of eyes.

The slow drip of blood above his eye sent pain to Kate's gut.

"Can I help you, sir? The rough sound of her voice finally broke the ice, creating a sense of shattered glass upon ever surface within the room.

The man's fierce eyes made their way to the captain's, "I believe it is my fault Jerry Tyson has made it a deal to torture Mr. Castle."

The room stung with silence as Kate ripped her eyes off the screen.

"What makes you think that?" Captain Gates managed to say.

"Well, I've known Mr. Tyson since his first criminal offence. It involved my daughter. Now, thankfully he was just an amateur back than and didn't succeed, but he went on killing from then on. Things got a little more complicated when he ran into her once more. This time he made it clear, he was going to killed everyone she loved. Her friends. Her family." There was something off about his last few words, something that made her skin crawl.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to understand my confusion at this point. What does any of this have to do with Castle?"

"Let's just say I've known Richard Castle a lot longer than that."

Moments went on unspoken.

Unspoken words had proven to be the loudest today.

"And your name is…?" murmured Kate.

"Alexander."

"Alexander?" Kate's mind wandered to an old case she and Castle worked a few years ago.

_"I'm afraid I wasn't completely honest with you the other day," the little red-head said, "the fact is, I have a little of what my mother did. Sometimes I have dreams that are meaningful. Last night I had a dream about you."_

_"Umm. Okay," Kate's confused expression grew._

_"I can't really explain why, but I feel very strongly that I'm supposed to tell you something, something important, are you ready?" the red-head questioned._

_"I'm rea-"_

_"Alexander." She stated._

_"Alexan-?" She couldn't finish before she was cut off._

_"Alexander. I don't know who he is, or what he means to you."_

_"I don't know any Alexander." Kate shifted her eyes to the side as she pondered._

_"You will. You will meet an Alexander and he will be extremely important to you. At some future date, he may save your life."_

She tried to keep a straight face as she pulled herself out of her daydream.

"Do you have a last name, Alexander?"

"Wayne. You can just call me Alexander Wayne."

"Wayne? Are you serious?" She questioned as the other women studied her expression.

"Well, I can't give you my real last name for good reason."

Kate's eyebrow rose a little.

"All right, can I ask you a question that has been on all three of our minds since you walked in?"

"Why am I all bloody?" He suggested.

Kate didn't have to say anything before he explained.

"That's uhh, well, I. The thing is," he stuttered.

"Yes?"

"See… This looks a lot worse than it is, because I can't tell you the truth without blowing my whole operation," said Alexander as he held his right shoulder in pain.

"That's too bad." Kate partially whispered before turning to her friend, "Lanie, take him in for a blood sample."

Lanie looked around in conflict. Not understanding what was going on, she picked up her files and began towards the door, holding it open for the man to follow.

"You will not find my blood anywhere in the system, I'm afraid."

"Maybe not, but if we already have a sample we can match it to that and place you at a crime scene." The fierceness of her tone shook him as he realized that importance of the man she was looking for.

"Oh my," he said, "this is better than I thought."

"What are you mumbling?" Kate asked, clearly annoyed at that time wasted during this interaction which was getting her nowhere.

"Nothing, I just realized something, that's all." He looked to the captain and back to Kate before stepping forward to follow the ME to her lab.

Kate's hands were places upon her desk. Reading files and witness statements of the night Castle went missing. Her eyes shot back and forth. From the files in her hand, to the empty chair he inherited beside her desk, to the whiteboard filled with surveillance pictures, broken timelines, and undiscovered secrets.

The phone rang and within seconds it was in her hand, held up to her ear. "Beckett," she said with authority.

"Kate, you might want to get down here." The ME's voice was fierce and offbeat, and just like that Kate hung up and swung her coat over her shoulder. Off in a dash, her left hand reached out to you the pillar in the precinct to boost her speed while turning the corner toward the elevator.

"Lanie, what is it?" She questioned before she crossed the doorframe.

The ME waited for her to get into the lab, and when she did, she looked as scared as ever.

"Kate-"

"Lanie."

The ME felt the eagerness in her voice and so she pressed on. "The blood on Mr." she looked at her friend, "Wayne," and then back down to her results, "they don't match anything in the system."

"As expected," Kate added.

"Yes. They do, however, match a sample on record from a crime scene."

"Castle's." Her certainty shook the room wildly.

"Yes. His blood matched a sample found in Castle's loft, bu-"

"Yeah but, Lanie, we expected this. Why would you call me down here for something I saw coming?"

"Kate, the blood matched another sample, one found at a crime scene back in 1999." Lanie stood frozen by her own words as her friend stumbled back upon the counter.


	6. Proceed With Caution

"I think the right thing to do is clear my throat to warn you that I'm behind you." The man's voice struck Kate as somewhat soft and caring.

Kate placed her cup of coffee on the table and picked up a few papers. Without turning around she tapped them on the desk. "Can I help you with something?"

"Look, I know what this looks like, my blood is found on the alley where your mother was killed and you have no way of keeping me here or getting anything out of me because I refuse to talk. At least here." He looked to his shoes, "that would do it." He said. "You have to trust me."

Kate took that moment to turn her chair around and stand up. If he weren't so tall, she would have been at the same level as him with the help of her six inch heels.

"Do I?" She questioned. "Please do explain to me why I would _ever_ have to trust you, let alone listen to you!" Her eyes pierced through him, "You may think you're so clever Mr… Wayne, always having the right answer, knowing the exact button to push to cover your ass but mark my words, I will nail you to the wall like the bastard you are."

"It's not what you think, Detective." The boys had gathered at the door when they returned to the station from checking on a lead. "Give me a chance. I promise, what I have to say will change everything but I can't say it here." He pulled a piece of paper out of his sports jacket and wrote down an address. "The time is on the paper. Come alone. And detective," he called over his shoulder as he stepped between the two men at the door, "you won't regret this." He spun around to look at her one more time.

Having taken his last shot at convincing Beckett, Alexander took a half-step back and pulled the right corner of his mouth up in a smile, a gesture that made Kate's stomach turn in a weird way, a way that it hasn't since the last time she looked into Castle's eyes.

Just like that, he was gone.

"Please tell me you're not actually considering this?" One of the boys stepped forward and took his place in front of her.

"No," Kate looked deeply into his eyes before she attempted another phrase, "I just-" Kate looked at the piece of paper and picked it up, "Javi, this is the only lead we've got that seems to actually be going somewhere."

"Oh it's going somewhere, Beckett, to your grave!"

"Look, I'll run it, and I'll even tell you where it is, but you gotta promise to stay back and let me handle this the way I want to, all right?" Kate folded the pocket-sized paper and placed it in her coat.

"Are you insane? Beckett, it's not safe." Detective Ryan put his right foot forward and reached out his hand, pointing his index finger out to her, "If we do this, we do it right!"

"Guys, I've got this, it's all right." Kate reduced to her usual calm demeanor as she turned to walk out the precinct, "I've got this under control," she threw over her shoulder.

"No, Kate. You see, I don't think you do." The boys tried desperately to keep up with her fast pace, "This isn't the way to do this. I've got a bad feeling about this dude. We'll get him some other way. I promise." His voice was rough but low, sincere.

"No!" The way she spun sent her gleaming hair in a twirl above her shoulder until it flopped down across the other, "there is no way I'm going to scare this lead away. I have a strong feeling about this one!" Kate tried desperately to keep her composure but failed as a tear rolled down her dry cheek. A vein in her forehead created the smallest of shadows upon her fair skin.

"Beckett, we understand. We miss him, too." He placed his hand on her shoulder while leaning in. "Kate, we'll get him back. It doesn't end this way, I can feel it." His brow lifted, surrounded by his dark complexion. "I've got mad ninja skills." His mouth formed a smile as his partner spoke from behind him.

"Dude, ninja's don't have magical sensing powers, unless you're talking about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," said Kevin Ryan.

"Fine. Guys, all right, but we're doing this my way." She said as she wiped her check.

Kate turned the key, shutting her car off, as she parked in the empty parking lot outside the warehouse.

"Yeah, this looks like it's going to be all rainbows and cotton candy," said Javier Esposito.

"Shh!" She hushed him.

As if he hadn't heard her, he added, "Seriously, why do they all pick abandoned warehouses in the middle of the night when they are trying to prove their innocents to you?"

"Javi! Shut it!" She said as they neared the entrance.

The sounds of loud thudding and scratching metal caused them to jump back two steps and ready their weapons. Before they could register what where it was coming from the large door was forced open.

"I told you to come alone." His voice was grumpy.

"Yeah well," she tilted her head to the side and shrugged her shoulders, "if you really are innocent you'd have nothing to worry about, right? Plus, you have to understand my caution and need for backup either way."

"Good, I wouldn't want my son dating someone stupid enough to come to an abandoned warehouse alone in the middle of nowhere. Well, either that, or I'd respect him for having someone by his side with the guts to risk it all to save his life." He pushed the heavy door open wider, inviting the three detectives to join him inside the dark room.

Kate stood there, not knowing what to do next. The feeling was new to her; she was the one to move things forward, the person who knew the next step before even taking the first one. She was motionless, and her boys could only be the same.

"Are you just going to stand there, Kate? Come on in, I've got much more to tell you." He smiled.

"I'm not going anywhere until you explain why your blood matched that of which was found at a crime scene 14 years ago."

"Ah, yes, Johanna Beckett."

She brought one hand down beside her thigh while the other placed her sig in its holder, "January 9th, 1999, my mother was stabbed to death in an alley! Why was your blood found in that alley?" Tears began to fill her eyes.

"I know the date, Detective. Trust me; I will never forget that day." He pressed his lips together and continued. "Come in. You can trust me." His eyes filled with something Kate knew all too well. Pain. "Come in and I'll explain everything."

Kate stepped in without looking back. Behind her, the two detectives exchanged a look before following her in.

The group settled themselves around a wooden rectangular table situated in, what looked like, the center of the warehouse.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to be the one to point out the obvious but this really is your typical, 'mob-hit, dark-scene' taking place in a warehouse in the pitch black." Ryan blindly swept his arm from left to right, making sure there were no traps waiting for him in the darkness.

"Sorry about that," the tall man clapped his large hands twice, lighting up the room in an instant, "I kinda get used to the dark, you know?"

The detectives scanned the large, empty room only to find that is was, in fact, a large dusty space. The table they stood around was covered in surveillance photos of Rick taking outside the precinct, including photos of him and his daughter outside their home. The cameras seemed to have been hidden, either within a plant inside the hall leading to Castle's loft or high up where no person would think to look regularly.

"That's not creepy at all." Detective Ryan said as he clearly was not enjoying the way things were playing out so far.

"I've been watching over my family, Detective. Is that a crime?" He pulled out a chair and placed a few photos on it only to slide it back beneath the table and grab another to sit. "Please, sit," he gestured to a couple of empty chairs.

"Well, that depends." Kate grabbed a chair of her own and sat down. "Why were you watching them?"

"I knew Tyson would come after them once he made the connection. Tyson met someone, someone I used to know. His name was Eric Kaylek. I know what this sounds like but Eric and I were in the CIA."

"The CIA." Kate looked at the man questionably.

"A long time ago, Eric and I made a huge mistake. We went on an undercover gig, the objective was to find our employers daughter and bring her home, but we didn't realize the risks."

"Go on." Kate folded her arms and leaned back in her chair.

"Our employer was Victor Kolovski, a Russian General. At the time he was going by the name Victor Turner." Alexander began to fiddle with the gold ring positioned on his right hand. "Martha and I never did get married."

"What? I'm a little lost, this Victor guy, what happened to him? And what about his daughter?" Kate leaned forward and placed her elbows on the table, hands making fists as they lay close together in front of her.

"Don't jump ship yet, Detective. It turned out Eric and I were sent to find his daughter as a trap for us to eventually step onto a landmine. Long story short, we found her, she was supposedly some sort of damsel in distress." Kate could tell his voice was about to get higher. It was something she learned from Rick. She learned to watch out for those little signs, the change in his facial expression, the key words in his story that sent him deep within his own memory, "she was apparently kidnapped!" Alexander brought his tone down before he continued, "When we got there everything changed, Eric and I fell for her." His last sentence came out as if he had raised a white flag.

Kate felt the tension but before she could speak he finished.

"It was all part of their plan. I fell in love with her and when she ditched us at a base that was heavily under attack," Alexander looked to Detective Esposito, "Eric lost his leg. He's blamed me ever since."

"I'm not making the connection." Kate shook her head.

"Eric took Tyson under his wing after his parents died. He gave him a target, said it would be a fun chase. That chase was my daughter. Rick's little sister."

Kate looked up at a replica of her murder board hanging on the rusty metal wall almost forty feet from the table. Pictures of them were plastered, covered with post-it-notes, and a letter from Tyson himself.

"I don't think he pieced it together." Kate stood up, eyes fixed in position, and walked toward the board. Her right hand rose to hold the letter between her thumb and index, though, without peeling it from its place on the wall. "Not until now at least."


	7. Here Without You

"Dad? Dad, wake up!" Her small hands cupped his large shoulders as his limb body laid on its side, "Dad!"

"Alexis?" He coughed twice and rolled over on his back with the help of his daughter's eager hands.

The teenager hugged her father and help him sit up-right. He grabbed her hands and stared at her bleeding wrists. Rope looped into a knot around one of them and she looked too. He looked away in anger and forced himself to his feet.

She grabbed his bleeding arm and pulled him back down.

The room was dark but not dark enough. Castle took a deep breath and looked away from his daughter. He studied the room with a blurry lens and quickly wished he hadn't. Walls covered blanketed with photos of them. The spots which were free of pictures were replaced with blood splatters.

Rick couldn't figure out where the blood came from. Yes, Alexis was bleeding, but it surely wasn't enough to make that mess.

"Dad, look at me! Can you hear me?" Her hands held his face on either side, soon dripping with the blood coming down his face. "Dad, answer me, please!"

She sat on her ankles beside him on the cold cement floor. He brought his hands to his midsection and looked down at them. Blood. How could it be? He hadn't felt any pain.

The brown door opened wide, "Ahh, my favourite people in the world, how are we doing today?" The man walked graciously toward them. "The silent treatment? Really? Is that the way your father raised you?"

He smiled.

Alexis removed her hands from her father's face and swallowed hard.

"Oh, I wasn't talking to you, sweetheart." His smile grew. Within seconds, his postured dropped. He placed his hands on his knees. His head leaned down, too close for comfort.

"Go to hell!" She barked.

Tyson raised his left hand until it collided with her pale, white cheek, throwing her back a few feet. "That wasn't very nice, little girl," Before he was Tyson found his next words a fist came up to connect with his jaw, sending his body to the ground.

Castle leaped onto him, a knee on his left side while the other was placed heavily on his chest. "Don't you ever lay a hand on my daughter you son of a bitch!" His left hand was placed around Tyson's brittle neck while a flurry of punches sent his head bouncing off the floor. Castle stopped when he saw a drop of blood on Tyson's cheek. A perfectly rounded drop.

Another drop made its way onto Jerry Tyson's face before Rick brought his hand up to his nose. Tyson elbowed him between two ribs, a spot that had proven to be painful.

"Dad!" Alexis crawled to him lying on the floor in shock as Tyson made his way out of the room laughing.

Kate stood there, in the room of the man she had come to know so well. The man she was falling in love with. She walked, slowly, over to his bureau and opened the second drawer. Material from a navy blue t-shirt gathered up in her hands. Bringing it up to her nose, she sucked in the powerful scent of him that took her to another place.

_His big shoes led the way into the break room, "Kate, maybe we are looking at this the wrong way."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Yeah, I mean, what if it had nothing to do with the drug deal, maybe this is all about a mob hit? I'm telling you, I've got a feeling about this one, it's got 'mob hit' and 'CIA cover-up' written all over it! Hey, what if the butler is really a CIA agent, and the other six suspects are people he met at Ninja school?"_

_"Seriously? You've had four and a half years to come up with something better than CIA cover-up, and that's what you got? CIA and ninja?"_

_"Yeah, I'm kind of disappointed myself." His face fell._

_"We all are, bro." Esposito stated as he clutched his cup of coffee, taking it off the counter and continued into the hall, leaving the two alone again._

_She glanced back at him and smiled. Her smile was like none other he had seen. Kate Beckett was special, that he knew for sure, but the way she looked at him was majestic in many ways. The corners of her lips lifted to flash him just the smallest glance of love. After all, they were at work. He knew how powerful that smile became once they were alone at her place._

_He watched as he body swayed toward the door until he quickly took three steps to her and almost whispered, "Wait."_

_His gentle fingers grazed hers as they both looked down. It felt like hours. They stood motionless. Fingers not entwined, but simply touching each other._

_They let their fingers slide apart and she was back to work._

She placed the shirt upon his pillow and lied down beside it. Her arms wrapped around it as it stood in place for his chest, she pressed her nose into the pillow and drifted off into a mild slumber.

She woke to the sound of footsteps.

"Castle?" She breathed.

"Sorry sweetie, I didn't want to wake you."

"Lanie, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I went to your place and saw that you weren't there. It didn't take me long to figure where else you would go." She sat beside her friend on the king-sized bed.

"He's not coming back is he?" She said, teary-eyed.

"Yes he is. Kate Beckett, you get out of this bed and pull yourself together." She stood up and pulled the covers half off her friend.

"You're right," Kate's hand grabbed the end of the bed comforter and whipped it off her legs, pulling them up and doing a half-roll out of bed. "This place is a mess." She made her way to his bookshelf and straightened a few stray books.

"Kate, let's get you home." Lanie's eyes filled with tears as she watched her friend lose it.

"Yeah, right after I tidy up, those detectives really did a number on his dresser." Her words were barely comprehendible. Kate fought back tears as she grabbed for a few loose papers on his desk. Lanie's arm reached out holding Kate's in place.

"Kate. Let's go."

"What is that?" Kate's eyes analyzed a folded paper on the corner of Castle's desk.

"Kate, stop it, it's not healthy. I understand how painful this is to you." Lanie grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face the door.

"No, Lanie hold on," she shook her shoulders free, returned to the desk and pulled the paper off its corner.

Kate studied the paper for a good minute. Straight-faced, she asked, "Lanie, what's an Osteolytic Lesions?"

"It's, uh," Lanie looked Kate, worry built in her eyes. She took a deep breath before asking, "Why, what is that, Kate?"

"It's a doctor's note. Lanie, what the hell is it?" Kate's body began to tremble.

"It's a breakdown of bones, usually caused by myeloma." Lanie shook her head, "Kate-"

"Go on." She ordered stone-faced.

"Myeloma is an accumulation of malfunctioning," she cleared her throat, "or cancerous, plasma cells." Lanie took a second to breath, "When myeloma invades bone tissue, it causes a formation of weak areas. The myeloma cells release chemicals that…" She sorted out her emotions. The ME didn't want to hurt her friend, but she knew her duty as a medical examiner to a detective who was tracking down a missing person. Two missing persons.

"Osteolytic Lesions created holes within bone marrow, causing it to resemble, for lack of a better relation, Swiss cheese. Osteolytic Lesions is a specific, punched-out, appearance that may occur in any bone in the body, but are most often noted in the spine, skull, pelvis and rib cage."


	8. The White Room

Lanie Parish is many things: She is a caring and respectful daughter to her two parents, she is a fellow medical examiner to her colleagues, a fun and trust worthy friend to the college friends she kept in touch with, and a booty call to the man she has had come to fall in love with just a year ago but refuses to admit. But above all else, Lanie Parish is a best friend to Kate Beckett. That role takes a truck load of patience to begin peeling away at her walls but had proven to be worth it.

There was never a dull moment with Kate; the girls met back in college in 1998. They weren't the closest of friends when Kate's mother had died but she wasn't always so strong and private. Along with Kate's boyfriend of two years, Jake Lance, Lanie was one of the few people that spoke to Kate like she was still human. Even with Kate's father's developed drinking habits, Lanie managed to sneak her into her college dorm when they couldn't spend time at each other's houses.

Jake found it difficult to please Kate and left shortly afterward, which resulted in both Kate and Lanie to grow closer. When Kate became emotional about the death of her mother, the loss of her boyfriend, and the addiction that took her father from her, Lanie Parish was the only person she felt she could turn to but she was never prepare for what came over her friend the night they found that doctor's note.

Lanie placed her flute of red wine on the table beside her sofa. Her left leg was folded to her chest; her left arm carefully wrapped around it hugged it tight. Her right leg was folded and neatly tucked behind her left heel.

The door to her room opened slowly. The darkness cascaded over his face as he neared her.

"What are you doing up?" he asked, his voice still under sleeps spell.

"I shouldn't have left her alone, she needs me right now, she's assuming the worst. We have no proof that doctor's note was Castle's." She looked down.

"Beckett is a big girl, she'll be fine. Now come back to bed," he said as he rubbed his eyes.

"Javier," she reasoned.

"Come on." He gently took her hand and led her back to her room.

The clock lit up the room. A red glow on each wall. Javier Esposito held her right hand in his while his left hand hovered at her lower back. They crossed the doorframe and he shut it with his foot. His hands came up to massage her shoulders until they reached the foot of the bed.

He brought his lips to her neck and gently kissed the pain away. She turned to face him and they kissed. The two of them fell back onto the mattress as one and drifted off.

Rick awoke with his hands bound hugging his chest. He looked around in confusion to the four white walls surrounding him. The warmth of the room sent his mind wandering deep into his thoughts. The things that made him the happiest began to race around his mind.

_ "Daddy, I know what I want for Christmas." The soft voice said. He turned to the sleepy face of his daughter. Her small body lay peacefully on the couch beside him._

_ Her head lifted off the leather armrest of the couch to face her father. Her body, now upright, looked fragile; her short arms places between her folded knees to hold her up. The brown cover that was once a warm barrier now fell down her shoulder and dangled off the edge of the sofa. Her tiny hand gripped tightly to the fluffy, light blue blanket which followed her everywhere she went. With her free hand, she tugged his shirt, waking him from a sweet dream which turned out to be real. His smile widened at the sight of her bright white teeth and orange hair._

_ "Well then go write it down in a letter so we can send it to Santa in time!" he explained in a child-like tone. She hurried up off the tall sofa and landed on her small feet. In a quick waddle, she was off to her room._

_ "Richard, I've never seen you as happy as when you are with her. It truly is something special." The woman came down the stairs with a glass of wine in her hand, her short red hair as glowing as ever. _

_ "A compliment? Without a request? Mother, how daring." He continued fingering at his keyboard._

_"Which reminds me, I'm having a few friends over tonight, they are coming to watch a little play I put together."_

_ "There it is," he said, clearly not thrilled by her last minute warning._

_Minutes later she ran out with a smile plastered on her face. Her bright orange hair fell down her back and swayed from side to side as she quickly made her way to her father on the sofa._

_Rick's posture was stiff and focused. The glow of his laptop screen created shadows on his face. With one look up from the screen, he watched the light of his life as she giggled and stumbled toward him, waving a piece of paper. His right hand subconsciously shut the laptop and set it aside without once breaking his lock on her moving figure. _

_"I'm finished, I'm finished!" she called out._

_"Come here," he grunted as he scooped her up and sat her on his lap. "Give daddy a hug, sweetheart," he hugged her tightly. His face painted with a smile from ear to ear and he rocked his upper body from side to side._

_The sounds that escaped her mouth in that moment were heavenly to a father's ears._

The sound of her laughter became distant, like an angel smiling as she looked down upon her father while her wings carried her up.

"Wake up." The tip of a shoe connected with Rick's shin, breaking his thoughts to pieces. With the shaking motion of his body, Rick's eyes widened, through dripping blood, at the sight.

The man that stood before him looked a little off in his white outfit. His average-sized body was lost beneath his white polo shirt and matching shapeless pants. A laminated badge hung from his shirt pocket in clear view.

"It's time to take your pills, Mr. Rodgers." He stood tall just two feet from where Rick's body was placed on the floor. His back leaned against the wall while the wall to his right closed in.

His head turned to the right to affirm he was cornered. His hands jolted forward in fear but failed to pass the material keeping them in place.

"Come on, open up. I don't have time for this every morning," the man said with patience, "tongue out."

"Get away from me!" He spat back, digging his heels into the soft floor as he pushed his back further into the wall and buried his face in his folded arms.

"Richard?" The voice called, "Richard?"

"Mother?" He responded while lifting his head.

"Mr. Rodgers, are you all right?" The familiar face turned to face him with a worrisome look.

"Tyson." Castle stumbled to his feet without the help of his strapped down arms, his body flopped side-to-side against the two walls stabilizing him, or rather, cornering him.

"Mr. Rodgers, don't do this again. Not today." He placed his hand on Rick's shoulder forcing him to the floor but was met with the will of a lone man.

Rick's shoulders freed from Jerry Tyson's hand, shoving himself backward into the wall. The padded wall played a part in cushioning his head as it shot backward in attempt to stay vertical. "Who the hell is Rodgers?" He questioned.

The man looked shocked by his question. He took a step forward and reached out an arm. Palm toward the floor, fingers spread out, he took an additional step. "Calm down, you just need to take your medication for today and everything will be normal again, okay?" He continued onward.

"No!" Rick jumped forward allowing his entire bodyweight to charge into the man's shoulder.

Jerry reached into his pocket within that split second he had to react. Pulling out a large needle, he spun to intercept the charging body and stuck the needle into Rick's neck.

He fell, unconscious, onto the cushioned floor and into his nightmare once more.

_"Castle! Wake up. Castle, come on, look at me!" Kate's hand shook violently as she held his head just an inch off the floor._

_ She searched frantically for any sign of movement but came up short. The blood was spilling over his forehead and arms so quickly that it took her by surprise._

_"No," she cried, "don't do this. Don't you dare." She placed his head gently on her lap as she folded her legs beneath him. Her fingers found his wrist and lifted it enough to bring it to his chest. She entwined their fingers and brought her free hand to shelter the top of his hand, bringing it up halfway to meet her lips as they gently grazed the soft skin on the back of his hand._

_"God I missed you." He whispered to her. His hand rose to cup her cheek, his thumb stroked the side of her face and she closed her eyes for a few precious moments._

_"Castle," she cried out. A tear rolled down her face and fell upon his chest._

_ "Kate," his face neared hers, "we're going to be okay." He flashed her that smile, the smile that made her feel safe again. The smile that made her feel like she was home, a feeling she hadn't felt in so long._

_ "Castle, it's okay, I'm going to get you out of here. I promise." She placed a deep kiss on his lips and wiped a tear off of her cheek._

_ Screeching metal caused Kate to shoot her head up. She left his side and placed her hand on her hip to rest on her sig._

_ She spun to look at Rick lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Her face showed signs of distress as she continued to search but came up empty when the door swung open._

_ Two shots rang out. Two pieces of lead sank into her chest and sent her to the floor._


	9. Crawling Back

"Kate!" Tears began to roll down his cheeks. His body was paralyzed on the floor. The very thought of losing her crept into his mind again and sent his nervous system off a cliff.

"Woah, Mr. Rodgers, calm down!" Jerry Tyson placed his hand on his shoulder, "wake up."

Rick's eye flew open in panic as he stumbled his way up right. He threw his head forward until it collided with the man's in front of him.

The two of them flew backward in opposite directions. "Ow! Damn it!" screamed Rick as he hit the floor again and try to comfort his aching head with his hand. He scanned the room for Kate. There was no sign of her. "Kate!" he yelled out.

"Calm down! It was just a dream!" Tyson spat as bent over and held his left eye.

The agonizing pain of a memory crept up as Rick laid, half sitting and half lying down, on the padded floor. A flash caught his eye as the sight of her apartment turned to ash.

"_Kate!"_

_ He rushed to her aid, not knowing if she had survived the blast. The only thing that kept him moving was the thought of seeing her again._

_ He stormed through her front door, knocking it down as he threw his body at it. "Kate!" he called out to her. "Are you in there? Kate!" he was losing hope._

_ The sound of two weak coughs drew his attention to the washroom. Her spidery fingers clutched on to the tub's frame and he hurried to help her out._

_ "Kate! You're alive. Oh, and you're naked," he said with the intention of innocence, but failed to deliver._

_ "Castle, turn around!"_

_ "You know, your apartment is on fire, now might not be the best time for modesty."_

_ "Castle, hand me a towel." She ordered._

_ He turned around in search for a towel, "uhh, the towels are on fire."_

_ She turned her heard in protest, "wh-"she looked at his back, "what about the bathrobe?"_

_ "Th- Do you have anything to wear that's not flammable?" He half turned to face her._

_ "Castle!"_

_ "Sorry," he whispered._

_ "Give me your jacket!" She raised her hand and waited for his jacket._

_He slid his jacket off his shoulders and placed it in her hand with a sly smile. She was alive; and he was grateful for that._

"Who's Kate?" A man with short, graying hair stepped out of the shadow.

His footing was light but every step sent shivers down Rick's back. He looked at Rick with crooked eyes as he brought the needle up in sight.

He wasn't the tallest man, but he wasn't small either. Rick had seen him before. Beside someone as tall as Kate or himself, he looked short. But now, at his side was Jerry Tyson, which made him look tall.

"Jim?"

"Hello, Rick," the man stepped closer to him.

"No, this is a dream again," he said calmly. "I'm not falling for it."

"Why would this be a dream, Mr. Rodgers?" he questioned.

"Stop calling me that!" Anger took over his expression. "What the hell is going on? What are you doing with Tyson? He tried to kill Kate!"

"Is Kate okay?" he asked, stepping closer to Rick with slow, cautioned steps.

Rick looked at him in confusion, his hairline pulled back as he looked at the needle, "please, Jim." His breathing quickened, "wait, wait! Just tell me where my daughter is!"

The needle neared his neck as Tyson held him still, "No, wait! Alexis!"

The needle tore a hole. A sting that became familiar to Rick within the past three weeks.

"Dad?" A silent whisper came from a hole in the wall, "dad?"

Rick's eyelids cracked apart. The white of the room hit him like a hangover. He lifted his cheek off the floor and squinted in the direction of her voice.

"Alexis?" He focused harder.

"Shh! They're in the other room. Dad, what's going on?" Her voice cracked and he could hear the fear rise up in her.

"I don't know, don't worry. I'll get us out of here." He said with determination as he looked over his shoulder in the direction of the door.

"That's what I was afraid you'd say. Dad, don't do anything stupid. You'll get us killed, or worse." Her bright blue eyes shined in the light. Her pale face was dark in shadows.

Rick placed one elbow in front of the other as he pulled his body toward his daughter. His arms were bound in a strait jacket, which didn't help him get there any faster.

Once at the wall, Rick placed his head upon it. The weight of the entire situation was on him and it was up to him to get them out of it. He knew that. He also knew it wasn't going to come without a sacrifice.

He finally took the time to clear his mind. The sight of his daughter seemed different. Almost eerie.

"Alexis, what happened to your face?" He asked, as if he hadn't any clue. His voice was low and worried but too weak to show it.

The shadow that was blueing beneath her eye was joined by a fresh cut. The cut was small but deep.

She looked at him. Her baby-blue eyes glistened as tears built up. "I'm fine. Dad, he's going to kill you." The tear fell to the floor as the door swung open.

Screams immediately followed the struggles from the room adjacent to his. His little girl fought off her attacker but found herself blindsided by his partner. Her pale, delicate arms were pulled back with force. No bondage was necessary. The teenager was weak and all out of fight. Jim pushed from behind her until they entered the room where her father was. Jim pushed her in and closed the door behind her.

Alexis limped her way toward her father. Her left knee dripped blood.

"Dad!" she cried as she fell to her knees beside him. Her fingers found the knot behind his back and pulled it apart. His right side, leaned up against the wall, was covered in blood. He looked weak. Restless.

"Dad, look at me." She pulled the material off him, freeing his arms. "Dad, talk to me!" She shook him.

"Alexis." His eyes lit up. A light that had been gone for so long. His eyes fixed on her ocean blues, "Alexis, are you okay?" His arms were frail. His hand came up to her cheek to wipe a spot of dry blood.

She threw her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "I'm so scared!"

His arms wrapped around her waist as tight as they would allow. "Shh, don't worry. We're going to be fine, Alexis. Kate is looking for us. She'll find us. I know she will." A creaking noise drew his attention to the door. "Listen to me. No matter what happens I want you to do what I say, okay?"

"What?" Her face was blank. She didn't need to pull apart and look at his face to know what he was thinking.

"We're getting out of here, Alexis," he whispered in her ear. Two sets of feet shuffled closer to the door, "This is our chance. No matter what happens I want you to run when you have the chance. Do you understand me?"

She pulled her face away from him but did not unlink her fingers behind his neck. "Dad, what are you planning on doing? They have a gun." Worry built in her for the last time that day.

The door swung open as they walked in. The two men took a few steps inside.

"That's enough. Let's go." Tyson placed his gun neatly on his hip and ordered his partner to handle the girl. "Take her back to her room."

"No! No wait," Rick stood up too quickly and fell against the wall beside him. He placed his hand on Alexis's shoulder as she stood up alongside him and pulled her backward. He stepped in front of her and began his attempt to stall them.

Tyson's left arm rose but stopped at his hip for a split second. It came up 90 degrees with the floor. A shot rang out and smoke appeared just a foot from him.

The man standing in front of her arced his back outward in pain.

"Dad!" Alexis cried as she threw her arms up to break his fall.

The walls began to close in. They grew closer to him as he fell paralyzed by the stun of the gun. The sight of his daughter as she fought them off and kneeled beside him became unsteady, like a camera lens on a moving ship. Her cries became mute as the rest of the world dropped silent. The room spun circles around him like a merry-go-round.

Jim, clearly shocked with the way things turned out, stepped toward them. Leaning solemnly on one foot, he reached for Alexis's arms to pull her back.

She shook, breaking free from the grasp of their captor.

Rick laid still. His face losing color, his stare distant. Alexis yelled and shook her father until her gaze fell upon his cold, dead eyes.

"Run." The word lingered on his lips for what felt like an eternity. His eyes fixed on one spot, as if he were caught in a daze.

The tears began to storm down her cheek. They crashed upon her lips like a poison.

She knew what she had to do. It was not what she wanted. She could not bare thinking about it, but it was a promise she intended to keep.

Within an instant, Alexis kicked her legs up and freed herself from reaching arms as she dashed to the doorway. She took one last look at the limp body on the floor before she vanished out the door and into the dark corridor.


	10. Broken

"Miss?" A man wearing a light blue polo shirt stepped in and closed the door behind him. His body rocked left to right and swayed in that motion along with hers.

"Miss, you can't sleep here." The man stepped back slightly and studied her more.

The sleeping girl was covered in bruises. Her face, once angelic, was now partially inflated around the eye and lip area and cut.

"Jesus!" He stepped in once more and placed his hand on her shoulder as she slumbered lying across three seats.

Alexis bolted up in fear. The man's cold hand against her bare shoulder shook her awake. Her eyes shot open as she sat up and brought her right hand up to her left shoulder, pulling her loose sweater back in place.

"Are you okay?" He asked. His voice was soft and sincere. His eyes were just the same.

"Where am I?" She asked, breathily as if she had been running for days.

"You're on the train-"

Before he could finish she added, "Which station?"

"Do you need me to call anyone for you?" He looked down at her.

"I need to get to Kate," she said to herself.

"Who?" The man in blue bucked his head down a little less than an inch. He placed his hand in his pocket and pulled out his cellphone, "you need to see a doctor about those cuts. They look real deep."

"I need to get to the twelfth precinct. I need to get there now." Her voice cracked. Alexis could feel the tears building up. She could see him, lying on the floor. Hopeless.

"You need a hospital. When we get there I'll be sure to call the police and notify them." The man dialed on his phone.

"You don't understand." Her eyes were instantly filled with tears, "he's dead." Alexis stared at the floor. Her hands made fists as they lay neatly upon her lap.

"Who?" He sat down across from her and looked deeply into her wounded eyes, "are you talking about the man that did this to you?"

"My father." She breathed out.

Still staring at the floor with tears in her eyes, Alexis took in the few seconds of silence she could before breathing in. When she did, her breathing hitched and she began to sob.

"Kate," Esposito rounded her desk slowly, "are we even sure that this has anything to do with Castle?"

"Javi," she shut her eyes gently, willing away the pain.

"Beckett, this could be anything. It doesn't mean it's him."

"Espo, I found that on his desk. What else can it be?" Her voice cracked and she shut her eyes tight for a few silent seconds.

Esposito looked to his left where the empty chair was placed beside Kate's desk. He took two steps to the right and pulled a spare computer chair, rolling it in beside Kate.

"I'm just saying, just because you found a piece of paper with some kind of cancerous disease written on it, doesn't mean it's his." His attempt to be reassuring clearly failed when Kate stood up and walked to the break room.

Following closely behind her, Esposito entered the room.

"Whose is it then?" She spat. Her back to him.

Kate turned to face him when his silence answered her question. His expression was clearly hurt. Kate took a step closer to him to apologize. She knew she was being hard on him and she knew none of this was his fault. She just needed something to take her mind off of it. She didn't need to have to choose who she would rather have it. She didn't want to have such thoughts as to which one of them was dying.

Martha was an amazing woman, and although she is the oldest of them, Kate couldn't bare the thought of what Castle would go through after losing his mother. Alexis was just a teenager, one of the sweetest girls Kate had ever met. Alexis had so much potential. Not to mention that losing his daughter would absolutely kill him. Castle would never be the same. She couldn't bare the thought of either of them dying. The door to the break room swung open before Kate could apologize.

"Kate, you better come out here," said Ryan with one hand on the doorknob.

"What is it?" she asked.

Ryan looked at his partner who stood still in the corner of the break room. His arms were vertical but slightly folded at the elbow. The tips of his fingers were buried in his back pockets.

Ryan looked back at Kate with a serious expression, "It's Alexis."

The room was silent.

A set of white sneakers pounded at the floor as her fragile arm came up to her temple. Her weak body lay silently beneath the hospital-blue sheets until she slipped into a steady slumber once more.

The only sound heard was the beeping of a machine, reassuring her that she was still alive.

The man placed a small pad of paper on the bed, just beside her feet. He checked her machines twice over and stepped back, picked up the pad and walked around the bed.

He picked up a needle from the nightstand beside her. He punctured a whole at the end of one of the many tubes connected to Alexis's arm. The man pushed down on the end of the needle as it released a yellow liquid in streams.

The door barged open.

"Put it down and step away from her. Now." Her voice was strong and fierce.

Kate took two steps into the room and ordered again, "I said now!"

The man dropped the needle and turned around.

Two hand guns pointed at his heart.

"Woah!" He yelled, he threw his hands up the moment he faced her.

"Don't move a muscle or I'll put a bullet through your skull."

"What the hell is going on? What did I do?"

"Just step away from the girl, jack-hole!" Ryan spat.

Kate removed her gun from the target between his eyes, "turn around and keep your hands up."

The man turned around and Esposito stepped between his partners to cuff him.

"Take him to the precinct; I'll just be a minute."

The boys gave Kate her space without question.

Kate was left in the hospital room. She turned to face Alexis as she laid on the bed. Something about her looked peaceful.

She laid motionless.

But something about her expression looked painful.

Kate stepped closer to the bed and placed her hand on Alexis's hand. The thought that she might never see Castle again entered her mind and left the moment the monitor went flat.


	11. Rescue

_The light from his laptop danced across his face in the dark of the night. She came up behind him and folded her arms around his neck._

_"Come back to sleep." She kissed him on the cheek and nibbled on his ear._

_He tilted his head until it leaned against hers._

_"Just a minute, I've got to get this down." He continued pounding on his keyboard._

_"It's 4am." Kate tapped his chest lightly and walked in front of him._

_"Is it the kind of scene that we could re-enact?" Her tone was hushed and playful._

_Being a little too into it, Beckett pushed his chair back a few inched and lifted one leg over his lap._

_She sat facing him and wrapped her arms around his neck._

_The sound of cracking floorboards drew their attention to the set of burgundy stairs._

_The two pulled apart as her face emerged from the shadowy section of the loft._

_"Oh, God. I'm sorry." Alexis rubbed her eyes and ruffled her bright orange hair._

_"Oh my gosh. I am so sorry, Alexis!" Beckett lifted herself up off Rick's lap, "I should really conside-"_

_"No, Kate, you don't have to consider anything. You practically live here now. I don't have a say. I don't even live here anymore."_

_"Alexis, what are you talking about? Of course you live here. Of course you have a say." Rick stood up and walked over to meet his daughter in the kitchen._

_"Sure." Alexis threw over her shoulder as she pulled the fridge door open. She closed the door quickly and turned her head to Kate, "I'm sorry, that was rude." The teenager let go of the door handle and pulled her sleeves over her fingers into a fist. She stepped forward and leaned against the island in the kitchen._

_"No, no, it's alright. I completely understand." Kate waved off._

_"No, really, it's the whole, 'me being hungry and it being 4 o'clock in the morning' thing. Really Kate, I have no problem with you being here." She brought her hand to comfort her noisy stomach, "I could, however, do without the constant public display of affection, at least for a little while," said Alexis._

_"We are sorry, Alexis," Rick apologized to his daughter._

_"No, guys really, it's 4am, I-I'm just a little grumpy. I'm sorry." Alexis grabbed a box of dry cereal and headed for the stairs, "I promise I'll be myself in the morning," she smiled a heart-felt smile and said, "when I'm not hungry," and went back to her room._

The next morning was the last time Kate saw Alexis, until now.

"Miss, I'm sorry, you have to clear the room." The echoing words bounced across the room and hit her like baseballs as the room spun widely.

"Miss?" The nurse placed her hands on either side of Kate's shoulders and guided her out the door.

Kate found herself staring at the white blinds strategically placed on the other side of the door and windows.

Kate stepped off the elevator and into the precinct. The room fell silent.

"Beckett, how is she?" Detective Ryan approached her as she neared the break room.

"Um, well," Kate fought the words as they came out, "she went into cardiac arrest for about a minute." Kate looked at the floor and spoke softly to herself, "it was the longest minute of my life."

"Becke-"

"Ryan, I just need a moment alone. If you don't mind?"

"No, of course." He stepped aside and looked down as she passed him.

Ryan walked to his desk with his head down. The sound of the elevator drew his attention to the woman with black hair. He simply nodded his head in the break room's direction. The woman, having seen the look in his eye, hurried to the break room.

Kate grabbed her cup of coffee firmly. She looked at it and released her grasp.

"Kate," Lanie stepped in behind her, "how are you holding up?" Lanie pulled a chair out from beneath the table and placed her bag on it. She draped her jacket over the back.

Kate's arms became weak. She placed them on the counter top in front of her and leaned forward, letting her head drop.

"Listen, I'm on my way home, why don't you stay the night?" Lanie walked toward her and placed her hand on Kate's shoulder.

Kate let out a long breath, "thanks, Lanie." Kate turned to face the M.E, "but I think I should go over to Castle's. You know, just in case something comes up."

"You've been there almost every night since. If anything happens you'll be the first one contacted. They have your cell number, Kate."

Lanie placed both her hands on Kate's shoulders, "come on, Kate, you need this."

Kate looked at the floor for a few seconds to clear her head, "okay."

"Okay?" Lanie questioned.

"Yeah, I just need to get some clothes from Rick's place. I'll meet you at your place."

"No way. Nice try but you are not going to talk yourself out of this. I know you well enough to know that if I let you go to his place alone you'll end up staying there." Lanie let go of Kate's shoulders and turned to grab her bags, "you'll come up with an excuse like you suddenly got too tired to make it to my place."

Lanie threw her coat over her shoulder. "Let's go, we're taking my car."

Kate lingered behind a few moments. She glanced at her full cup of coffee and poured it in the sink. She caught up to the woman as she gracefully walked toward the elevator.

Walking alongside her friend as they stepped outside of the building, Kate turned her head slightly to look at her friend and stated, "My clothes are in my car. I'll be a minute."

Kate, with both hands in her pockets, looked to the floor in embarrassment and smiled as Lanie bumped her shoulder and laughed.

"Thanks, Lanie." Kate said looking straight ahead.

Lanie looked at her friend as their strides slowed down. "For what?"

Kate turned to face her and smiled brightly, "for being you, for not acting different under the circumstances."

Lanie linked her arm into the fold of Kate's elbow and rested her head on Kate's shoulder as they walked.

"I have to call Alexander."


	12. Here With Me

"Hey," Kate's voice cracked. She hated herself for it. She was supposed to be the strong one. She wasn't. She hadn't felt her strength in a while.

"Detective."

"I just thought I should call to let you in on the…news," she was hesitant.

"That sounds reassuring."

"Alexis, your granddaught-"

"What about her? What happened? Have you found her? Is she okay? What about my son?"

"Mr. Wayne, please try to understand that I can only answer one ques-"

"Is she okay?" His voice was fierce.

"Listen," she started.

"I don't want to be handled, detective. Just let me know what is going on."

"Alexis is safe. Somehow she got away. She's in the hospital. I went to see her but," Kate said, regretting what she needed to say next.

She looked out of the window and watched as trees passed. The sound of his anxious breathing brought her to finish the call so she can put all the dread out of her head and relax with her friend.

Kate glanced to her left. Lanie sat upright. Her right arm hung out on top of the steering wheel while her left lay loosely on her lap.

"She went into cardiac arrest but she is stable now. They told me that I couldn't stay unless I was family." Kate pulled on the string of her hood. "You could go if you want. If you are willing to explain to them that you're her grandfather and give them proof," she looked down at her hand, "she's on the 4th floor, room number 7 in the A-wing."

"Thank you, Kate." The voice answered.

"Not a problem." Kate pulled the phone away from her ears.

"Hey, Kate." The sound was low and distant. Her eyes traveled to the phone and she brought it back to her ear. "It's Taylore." The only sound heard was the low engine of a Honda 2009. "My last name, it's Taylore. You can call me Alex." Her corner of her mouth tipped upward.

"Goodnight, Alex."

Her phone beeped shut.

Kate rested her head on the window. Something about the cold glass helped sooth her headache. She shut her eyes and listened to the roaring of the engine.

"Kate, everything is going to be fine. I can feel it."

Kate turned her head toward Lanie, opening her eyes slowly when she felt ready.

She smiled.

Hoping it was a convincing smile, Kate turned her head back and looked out the windshield at the open road.

One dim streetlight after another, Kate finally opened up.

"What if it's not?"

"Kate,"

"No, what if this is it? After all these years, I just can't let it go. Not like this, Lanie." Tears began to fill her eyes as Kate closed them shut tightly.

Lanie gave her friend a few quiet moments to let it all out before she spoke.

"I heard the guy from the hospital is in custody. It's a start, right?" Lanie glanced at her and back to the road, "and if there is anyone who could make him talk, it's you. We've got them Kate, you just have to wait until morning and this will all be clearer." The car slowed down to a red light, "unless you go question him right now." Lanie laughed. She turned to look at the expression on her friends face, "no, Kate. It's too late to go question him right now. He'll still be there in the morning."

_"So what do you think, should I start calling you something as domestic as honey? Or babe?" His eyes lit up on his second suggestion._

_"Not unless you want me to start calling you kitten again." Her lips quirked._

_"You know what I realized last night?" _

_"Umm?" He replied while sipping his coffee and reacting to the burning feeling on his lips._

_"You rock in your sleep." She stated as she handed him a napkin._

_"Thanks," he said as he grabbed the napkin from her hand, "I what?"_

_"You rock back and forth in your sleep. I mostly find it kind of cute, but also, for a second I pictured you in a straitjacket which also creeped me out a little," she toyed with a smile on her face._

_"Ah-ha, funny," he joked back. "So, what are we doing tonight?"_

_"Well, I was actually planning on going to get a book. I am seriously lacking good books," said Kate as she got up from her seat and headed for the milk in the fridge._

_"Ah, another one," he said._

_"We could order in?"_

_"Oh don't stop now. You're on a roll, honey." He paused and gave her a confused expression, "yeah, that doesn't sound right. How about, babe? I like babe. It sounds right."_

_"Castle."_

_"Got it. No nicknames." He waited for her to turn and look at him. He gave her a playful smile and she walked over to him._

_She came up from behind him and ran her fingers in his hair. Her left hand glided down his muscular arm, entwining her left hand in his. Her right hand traveled down the back of his neck and crossed to the front. She leaned her upper body against his back and folded her right arm around his neck. Kate whispered in his ear and kissed the base of his neck, leaving a trace of shivers down his back. Rick brought his hand up and griped her elbow at his neck as she nibbled at his ear._

_"I love you." His confession rang in her ears as her need for more intensified._

_Kate wrapped her leg over him and landed on his lap. She placed a soft kiss on his lips and reached the depths of him. She fisted at his shirt, grabbing a fist-full of material and pulled him to his feet. The two kissed deeply and made their way to the bedroom hand in hand._

She smiled and rested her head on the window. The silence of the car lingered for an endless moment.

"Kate, I just think you need some rest and then you'll be able to think straight in the morning-" Lanie peeled her eyes off the road and looked at Kate.

Periodic glimmers of light shined upon the top of her head. Street light after street light, the lighting in the car softly bounced from light to dark. A soothing lullaby.

Lanie smiled a soft smile at the sight of her friend finally giving in to a much-needed rest. Lanie could feel the tears building up. She was glad she could help remove some of the weight off her shoulders.

The road they took was longer than normal. Lanie made a few right turns, causing them to ride past her house a few extra times.

The car pulled into the spot in front of Lanie's apartment and Kate slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Lanie." Kate brought her hand to her head and held it.

"Kate, it's okay. The reason I asked you over tonight was so you could feel safe and comfortable enough to sleep. You need to sleep." Lanie took her seatbelt off and pulled the keys out of the ignition.

Kate looked at the watch on her left wrist. A confused expression took over her, "how long did it take us to get here?"

"I took the long way," Lanie said as she opened the door and grabbed her purse.

Kate opened her door and met Lanie outside the car, "why?"

"Why? Because you were actually sleeping. You looked so peaceful, Kate. I couldn't bring myself to wake you up knowing that you've slept less than 6 hours in the past week." Lanie pushed the button on her keys, locking the doors, and lead the way up her front stairs.

"Thanks."

Once inside, the girls made their way to the kitchen. Lanie opened the door at the bottom left of her cabinet, pulling out a bottle of red wine.

"Oh, no. Lanie, I don`t really feel like having wine tonight." Kate declined.

"There is no way you are getting out of this one, Kate." Lanie reached up to her cupboard and pulled out two tall wine glasses, "this is exactly what you need right now." Lanie placed the fancy glasses on the kitchen table and walked over to grab the cork out of its proper place in the top right drawer.

Kate stood nervously beside the round table. She placed one hand on her back of the wooden chair to her right, slightly folded her left leg, allowing the tip of her shoe to be the only part touching the floor while her right leg stood firmly straight. Her left hand came up to her stomach instinctively. "You know, Lanie, I think I am just going to go off to bed." Kate explained.

"Kate," Lanie stopped forcing the wine bottle opened, "what's going on? I mean, apart from the whole thing with Castle. It's more than that, isn't it?" Lanie's soft eyes connected with Kate's.

Confusion and sorrow built in Lanie's expression as she watched the woman before her tear up. Kate brought her hand to cup her mouth as she shook her head. A single tear streamed down her cheek.

"I took a pregnancy test this morning."


	13. Never Letting Go

The girls sat quietly at the kitchen table, a larger bottle of red wine in arms reach and two empty wine glasses stood before them. Kate had her hands crossed on the table. Her thumbs nervously rubbed and fiddled against the skin on her hands. Lanie sat, cross-legged on the chair. Her right hand held the bottom of her wine glass while her left lay neatly tucked across her stomach.

"How many did you take?"

"Just the one."

The night had taken an awkward turn. The girls sat with their arms folded in front of them.

"They do say to take at least two. Those things can sometimes be false."

"I know. I've been meaning to but I haven't found the time."

"You haven't found the time, or you're too scared to know the truth for a fact?"

Kate sat silently. The lingering question hit her like a piano.

"I don't know." Kate swallowed hard, "Lanie, I can't think about this right now, with everything going on it-it just feeling wrong."

"Kate, maybe this isn't the best time, but is it ever a wrong time? I mean, this could be a really good thing. I know you and Castle have been in a really good place lately, maybe it was just a matter of time."

Kate said nothing. She only looked Lanie in the eye. That was all she needed to do.

"Look, we could be just looking too deep into things here. I mean, it was only one test." Lanie wrapped her fingers around the bottle of wine, "I'm going to have some if you don't mind, because, girl, this is stressing me out." Lanie poured herself enough for the both of them and took a sip, "you know what, I can't wait until morning, I'm sure we can find a 24 hour drug store around here somewhere. Let's get you a few more tests."

Four steal poles stood straight on the ceramic floor. Different from where they had been held before, the soft, almost comforting walls were replaced with dark, hard ones.

Each pole stood almost 4 feet tall, held together by a flat surface in the middle. An unsteady bed. A little less than an inch of cushioning laid on its surface.

"Brave thing you did there. Did you think she wasn't going to leave if you were just hurt?" Tyson walked around the flat object and looked down at a restrained Castle. "I guess pretending you were dead gave her no other alternative but to leave you behind and run. Smart."

Castle stayed silent. The gushing wounds in his chest seemed to lessen.

"Jerry, maybe he's had enough, for now. At least let him regain his strength. The man's on the verge of dying right here in front of us."

"Did I ask for your input, Jim?" Jerry Tyson gave him a look and ordered him to leave the room. Tyson looked back at Rick lying on the hard mattress, "I'll be back, don't miss me too much," he said and then quickly made his way to the door.

The two men stood a few feet away from the closed door. On the other side lay a bleeding, and semi-unconscious Rick expecting his death to be slow and painful. It was halfway there. It sure was slow but all he could think about was that his girls were safe and most probably together looking for him. Rick couldn't stop the smile from gracing his features at the thought.

"You know, I'm not too convinced that you want to help me here, Jim. You're going to have to try harder to convince me or that information that I promised I'd give you will die with me." Tyson jammed his index finger against Jim's chest and entered the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Jim reached in his pocket and pulled out a small necklace-locket. He opened this circular locket and looked at the picture, "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Jim entered the room and became someone else. Tyson picked up a couple of tools and hung them over Castle's face, "which one would you prefer?" With no response, Tyson pressed on, "alright, I was trying to be nice. You saw me, I really tried."

"I saw you," Jim said. His voice was cold and bitter. "I saw it all and I've got to say, you tried to be considerate of what he wanted." Jim looked Tyson straight in the eye without hesitation.

Tyson flashed him a wide smile and looked at Rick. "Well, you heard the man. I tried."

Neither one of their smiles faded.

Kate stepped across the doorframe once more. She placed her bag on the leather sofa and sat down beside it. She hugged both knees against her chest.

"Kate, come on," Lanie shut the front door with her heel and placed the brown paper bag on the kitchen. She pulled out a handful of reasonably sized pink boxes and dropped them on the table, "we've got four new tests. Despite the look the store clerk was giving us and what she said, I don't think it will be as bad as you think. I'm here for you, Kate, no matter what the tests say."

"I think I'll wait till morning."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"No, I jus- I just want to make sure I have a clear head when I take those tests."

"Yeah, no, I completely understand."

"Goodnight, Lanie. Thanks again, for everything." Kate opened the door to the spare room and closed it behind her.

Kate set her bag down on the bed. Pulling the zipper open, she sat down. Kate reached into her bag and pulled out a dark polo shirt. She let two tears crash on it, soaking in the fabric. Her sobs became silent. Her arms trembled against her chest. She laid on her right side and folded her legs. The weight of the entire situation hit her all at once. A square hit to the chest and she was winded. A sense of complete helplessness took over and rocked her body violently. No matter how many nights she lay wide awake to the sound of poison rain crashing against the glass window, Kate hadn't gotten used to the cold feeling of an empty bed.

_Where did you go?_

Kate's head sunk deeper into the pillow. Her hand tightened its grip on the polo shirt and she clutched it to her chest, breathing in his scent. She hoped it wasn't the last time.

_"Don't you dare leave me," _she whispered._ "Please," _she begged. Her body began to rock forward and back. An uncontrollable sense of comfort came over her.


	14. Personal Vendetta

Kate rolled over in her sleep. The sun streamed in between the blinds, illuminating the room. Her hand slid to the empty space in the bed. The sheets were cold. Her eyes peeled open slowly, squinting at the light; she looked to the pillow beside her. She was half expecting to see his wide smile looking down at her.

The door opened slowly. A cautious Lanie stepped in holding a steaming cup of coffee. "Hey, you're up?" She stepped closer to the bed, "I was just going to leave this on the nightstand," she said as she handed her the cup of coffee.

"I would have smelled it." Kate smiled.

The girls smiled at each other until one broke the silence.

"So, I don't want to sound like a broken record, Kate, but are you ready to find out if you have to start limiting your caffeine intake?" Lanie sat at the foot of the bed.

"Oh, yeah, I took them already." Kate looked down at her cup of coffee. By the time she looked back up at her friend she continued, "I couldn't sleep until I knew for sure." Kate placed the cup on the nightstand, "you were right, the first test can be wrong."

"So you're not pregnant?" Lanie's eyes lost a bit of light.

"No, I'm not pregnant." Kate fiddled with the sheets that were now dangling off the bed.

"Is-" Lanie took a moment to find her words, "how do you feel?" Lanie looked at her hands as they nervously pulled at the loose threads and tried to look busy, "I mean, is it a good thing? Is this what you want?"

Kate looked at Lanie. "Yeah. I mean, it's a good thing."

"You don't sound too sure."

"No, I am." Kate looked at the window. The streaming sun warmed her arms. She brought her left arm up, across her chest and to her right shoulder, "I mean, what was I thinking, you know, I wouldn't be able to have kids. Not now. I'm a cop, I see death every day. I know what's out there, and to bring a child into this world-"

"Kate-"

"No, it's a good thing. I didn't want this."

"Kate." Lanie placed her hands on Kate's shoulders. She looked her in the eye until Kate dropped her head to break eye contact and began to shake. Lanie pulled her in for a comforting embrace.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" She choked out between sobs. "What am I going to do? I'm a mess, Lanie. I want him back. I need him back."

Kate watched him pace back and forth from behind the mirror. She stepped around Esposito and exited the room. The door in the room on the other side of the mirror flew open.

"What am I doing here? What's going on?"

Kate said nothing. She walked to the table and slammed a file on it. "Sit down and shut up!"

The man, in complete shock, sat down. His nervousness took over, turning his cheeks red.

"What were you doing at the hospital?"

"I was-" The man trailed off. He looked down at his hands and Kate noticed a crease in his brow.

"Are you confused about something?" Kate pressed on with extra force, "did someone put you up to this?" When he did not answer Kate pressed on, "answer me, Christopher!" She slammed her palms against the table to rattle him out of his thoughts. Kate pulled a picture out of the file and held it up to him, "was it him?"

The man looked up slowly and nodded.

"What did he tell you to do? Where did you meet him?" The man looked back down. "I can't help you if you don't talk to me, Christopher."

"I don't know what you want me to say." He ran his hand through his dirty blond hair nervously.

"Let's start with the truth, or this is going to get ugly." Kate promised. "How do you know him?"

"I don't."

"How did you meet him, Christopher?" Kate rage kicked in. She kicked her chair back and stood up. She looked down at him, giving her even more of an advantage. The vein on her forehead created a crease in her flawless skin. Her eyes were fierce.

"He walked up to me in a coffee shop, I swear. He told me I can make five thousand dollars by doing one little favor for him. I was intrigued." His shoulders raised a half inch. "He told me all I had to do was walk into this hospital room and.." He trailed off, "he gave me a needle. He said the girl in the hospital was his daughter and that he couldn't go near her because it would hurt her in the long run. He said the doctors didn't know what was wrong with her and that he did. All I had to do was get what was in the needle in her system and she was going to be fine."

Kate exhaled heavily and looked down at the file in front of her, "It never occurred to you that what he was asking you to do was illegal?" She looked up at him.

"I wasn't thinking clearly," he scratched the top of his right hand.

"Clearly." Kate looked at the mirror behind him. She closed her eyes and brought her hand to her forehead, "So you just expect me to believe that you're that dumb?" Kate looked at him. When he didn't answer she continued, "Do you go to this coffee shop regularly?"

"It's the closest one to campus."

"So that's a yes?"

"Yeah. Almost everyone goes there during breaks."

"On campus?"

"Yes," he nodded.

She looked down in defeat, "In college?" Kate shook her head and quickly passed her right hand over her face. "So he knew that coffee shop was going to be full of a bunch of young idiots looking for quick cash. Great."

"Hey, I didn't do anything wrong-"

"Except for putting an unknown substance in an eighteen year old girl who was kidnapped and almost beaten to death by the same man who gave you the needle!" Kate slammed the table with her palms and leaned forward over the table.

The door opened as a known face peaked in. "Beckett." The man gestured for her to exit the room.

"No, Javi, I'm fine." She flagged him down.

"No, you're not."

Kate stood up straight. She looked at the scared twenty year old shaking in his seat. He was taken aback by the forcefulness of the female detective who interrogated him. Kate walked out the door without looking back. Javi looked at the man who sat back in his chair, "don't move." He closed the door and followed her.

"Beckett, Lanie called for you. She wanted you to go down there."

The door swung open as Kate walked into the morgue, "Lanie, what've you got for me?"

"Nothing," Lanie pulled her goggles off and dropped them on the counter in frustration, "I have no clue what was in that syringe."

"What do you mean you have no idea?"

"I mean, I don't know what this substance is. I have ran it through the system and it has.. I've just never seen anything like this before."

"Let me get this straight, are you saying that whatever Tyson got Christopher to put in Alexis's system, and caused her vitals to crash, isn't known to even you?"

"Yes."

Kate exhaled and ran her hand through her hair, "Okay, well, I'm going to get back to the precinct and I don't know, look for some kind of lead that has a little bit of hope."

"Have you gone to see Alexis?"

"I was planning on going later today. Actually, I am going to make sure everything is okay in the precinct and I'll head over."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Lanie offered.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks, Lanie."

Kate rode the elevator to the 12th. The silence that fell over the bull pen while Kate updated the murder board was so complete the only sound was the squeak of her marker against the white surface as she printed in red block letter: WHERE ARE YOU? She leaned on her desk and folded her arms, twisting and turning the marker between her thumb and index.

The elevator doors opened as Kate turned her head for a quick glance. The marker fell out of her hands and dropped to the floor. Alexis ran through the precinct as fast as her legs would allow. The light in the 12th danced across her arms as they swung back and forth. "Kate!" The tears broke her barrier and poured down once she threw herself into Kate's arms.

"Alexis! Oh m- Alexis!" Kate wrapped her arms around the teenager and held her tight. Alexis's left hand came up to the back of Kate's neck. Her right hand fisted at Kate's shirt, grabbed hold of her it and pulled in pain as the sobs worked their way out of her. Alexis buried her face between Kate's neck and shoulder.

"Kate."


	15. The Note

_Sorry I've been 'out of commission' lately. I hate making you guys wait._

_I hope you don't get too annoyed and stop reading but here is chapter 15 and I plan on working on the next chapter tomorrow._

_Enjoy :)_

* * *

_The clock read 3:24am. Kate rolled over, facing the outside of the king-sized bed. The monitor on her nightstand called for her. She pulled her pillow along with her as she sat up on her side of the bed, hugging the pillow to her chest. The cries pressed on and Kate stood up. She walked out of the bedroom and headed to the pink door down the hall. She peered in. Kate dropped her pillow on the light yellow rocking chair. Her baby pink pillowcase camouflaged with the pink flowers blooming in a field of yellow. She turned around and looked down at the toddler standing in her crib. Her little fingers holding her still as they gripped the bar. Kate walked over with a smile on her face. She bent down and picked up the child, cradling her in her arms. She sat them down in the rocking chair. Kate turned sideways in the chair and brought her knees up to support her arms. Within seconds, she drifted off to sleep._

_Heavy footsteps neared the room. Rick walked in. Placing his cup of coffee on the counter beside the door, he walked over to the rocking chair. The toddler looked over her mother's shoulder at the man who stood beside them. She lifted her arms in the air and giggled at him. Her face lit up at his smile and he picked her up from a sleeping Kate's arms. He kissed her on the forehead and placed her down in her playpen with her favorite doll._

"_Kate," he said as he walked toward her again. He knelt down, allowing him to look at her face which hung down on her shoulder. "Kate?" He shook her gently. When she took a deep breath through her nose and stretched her legs out, Rick rubbed his palm up and down her forearm. "Good morning," she said as she peeled her eyes open and looked at him._

Kate's eyes flew open. She pulled herself out of bed and walked over to the bedroom door. She opened the door slowly. Kate stood there watching the teenager sleep for a few seconds. She smiled at the thought that she was safe. Kate took one last glace at the redhead and smiled before she closed the door behind her and entered the kitchen. Kate turned on the coffee machine and let it run while she made a few phone calls. She took one last peek into the room. Sunlight streamed in creating a gentler image of the innocent teenager who lay fast asleep in her bed. She slowly closed the door, with caution to the chance of waking her, and made her way to the car.

Attention was sharp. Nobody interrupted. Nobody joked. The precinct hadn't felt right in a while. The atmosphere changed dramatically on the night that shook all their lives. Richard Castle was loved in the precinct. Not one day went by where he couldn't bring a smile to their faces. The detectives sitting at their desks in the precinct had their heads buried in their work and solidly on task. L.T ruffled through his papers, stacked them in a pile, and leaned his forehead on his palm. The man began working in the 12th just a year after Kate Beckett had. Being a newbie, L.T Tolliver relied on the help of his co-workers during his first few weeks on the job. L.T admired Katherine Beckett for her strength. He hadn't heard her entire story, but had overheard a few co-workers in the break room as they sympathized over her background and all she's been through. He was more intrigued by her when she offered to help him settle in after having witnessed him drop a box of files on his third day.

L.T pulled a paper from the stack in front of him.

_Like a round of Jenga-gone-wrong, the entire pile of police reports came tumbling down._

"_Ooohhh," Castle laughed while ducking his head down on Beckett's desk. L.T glanced in his direction with an annoyed look. When he saw the writer hiding behind a file, he looked at Kate. She shook her head and rolled her eyes at Castle. Looking back at L.T, Kate laughed. He couldn't help but return the smile. Kate had that effect on him. She had that effect on everyone. "Need some help there, L.T?" Castle offered while attempting to control his laughter and ultimately failing._

_Kate stared at him. His laugh became uncontrollable. The comic relief was in the building. Soon enough, the entire precinct began to tremble in laughter._

"_Castle!" A sharp voice called, causing the entire room to go silent and back to work._

_Castle cleared his throat. "Yes, Sir?"_

"_Make yourself useful and help him pick up those police reports or your name is going to be on the next one that hits the floor."_

"_Yes, Sir." He said as he eyed Kate's smile in the corner of his eye. Rick stood up and quickly made his was to L.T's desk to help him pick up the fallen reports. "It feels like I'm playing Pick Up 52." Castle whispered to L.T as they picked up paper by paper. He turned to face him, expecting a smile. "Nothing? Come on. Pick Up 52? You know the game where people say, 'have you ever played Pick Up 52?' and if they say no you throw the entire deck of cards on the floor and watch as they realize what they just stepped into?" Castle explained to a confused L.T, "forget it. There's one over there, by Karpowski's desk."_

"_As for the rest of you, get back to work if you expect to get home to your and children wives tonight. And remember, Castle's only got three extra tickets to Friday night's game and I have a say on which suckers don't get to come." Montgomery threw an authoritative laugh over his shoulder and walked back into his office._

L.T drew up his free hand to hold the pile steady as his other hand pulled a sheet carefully out from the middle of the stack and smiled.

Tyson knew what he was doing. He knew how to toy with Kate's emotions. How to cut her to the bone. He had contacted her twice since the incident. Each time leaving no clues as to Castle's health status. Each time leaving her broken.

Kate sat quietly at her desk. Her head buried in her work. Her mind steady on task as a rainstorm rolled in and pounded at the windows.

"Urgh, it's raining again." Lanie said as she wiped her jacket clear of drops and neared Kate's desk.

"It's been raining for weeks, Lanie. It won't seem to stop." Kate said, not lifting her head to look at the ME.

"Kate, how about I take you out?" Lanie offered. "Come on, let's go to the bar. The paperwork will still be here."

"I can't." Kate declined.

"Honey, Ryan in dead-set on his work and so is Esposito. No one is giving up. No one is giving it a rest but you _have_ to. Kate you're pushing yourself too much and it's not healthy. I understand how you feel, Kate. We all miss him and we are all doing the best we can to get him back but you have to take it easy. At least take an hour or two to relax."

"Kate," Ryan called from his desk as he hung up his phone and pushed his chair back. He made his way to the girls.

Kate looked at him and she knew. A shadow fell over her demeanor again. "What? What happened?"

"I finally tracked down that doctor whose name was on the doctor's note from Castle's apartment," he pressed on without hesitation, "I just got off the phone with him and he is available for a personal meeting but he's really busy and can't come down to the station."

"Did he tell you anything about the note?" Kate questioned.

"Just that he met with Castle for the first time about this particular issue four weeks before he was taken. So we still don't know, for a fact, whose it is."

"Just that Castle knew about it for four weeks?"

"Kate—"

"No, Ryan. It's okay. Give me his number. I'll set a date to meet with him."

"No." Lanie grabbed the piece of paper out of Kate's hands just as he handed it to her, "Ryan, can you meet with him?"

"Uh, yeah, but—"

"Good." She handed the paper back to Ryan, "call him back and try to meet with him as soon as possible. Kate and I are off duty tonight."

"Lanie, what are you—"

He looked at Kate. "Got it," he said before he walked away.

"Lanie."

"You'll thank me later. Now get your stuff. _We_," she picked up Kate's cellphone and turned it off, "are going drinking."


	16. The Leading and Misleading

"Jim," he cried out, "Jim, please. Why are you doing this?" Rick's wrists were bound to poles. He lay on a sad excuse for a mattress. A rock-stiff surface.

Jim Beckett placed the tray of food on the nightstand beside Castle. "Mr. Rodgers, I will unchain you now. Please do not make any sudden movements."

"What the hell is going on?" Castle shouted.

As the door creaked open, Jerry Tyson walked in. His dark jacket matching his expression. "Jim, I told you to leave the tray and walk out."

"Jim, please!" Rick twisted in his restraints and cringed at the pain he has caused himself. "He tried to kill Kate. He tried to kill your daughter!"

Jim looked down at the man as he froze in one position in order to minimize the pain. He turned his attention to the man standing a few feet behind him. "I don't have a daughter, Mr. Rodgers. I've never even been married." Jim turned and walked out the door.

"No, wait!"

"Richard, I understand what you are going through. You told us to hold you down no matter what. You told us you might not remember anything and that we were to explain it to you." Jerry pulled up a foldable chair and places it beside the bed.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're sick, Richard. You were in an accident and it damaged your brain. You put these wild images into your head and believe what you want. Hell, last week you walked right into a police station and grabbed a gun from someone's desk and then walked right out with it. No one had realized until you stepped into the elevator and dropped it. The damn gun went off."

Rick lay there confused. "You're just trying to mess with my head. This has got to be one of your weakest ploys ever. I mean, come on, the whole 'lost memory and crazy tendencies.' It's like an episode straight out of Smallville."

"You think I'm making this up? Well, I've got to say; it's not a far-fetched thought considering you have conjured up this wild imagination of a rich and, almost fantasy-like life." Tyson grabbed the food tray from the nightstand and placed it on his lap, "well, alright, in your mind, why would I want to kidnap you? Why would I try to kill Jim's daughter… uhh, what is her name?"

"Kate. Her name is Kate. And it's not in my mind, Jerry."

"Okay, then just humor me. I mean, I want to know what you think."

"No, you don't get to call the shots, Tyson. However, thanks for being such a gracious host, Martha Stewart's got nothing on you." Castle let out a sigh in pain.

"Richard, if this were the way you say it is, why would Jim be helping me help you? I mean, in, let's call it our world, Jim and I are friends helping you get back to our world. Back to reality. In your world, why would Jim help me kidnap you if I tried to kill his daughter?"

"How should I know? Maybe you're holding something over him."

"Like what?"

"I don't know!" He shouted. "Ahhh" Rick yelled in pain.

"Woah, alright. That's enough talk for today. You're going to rip your stitches open." Jerry placed the tray back on the nightstand and walked out the door.

"Hey! Wait! How am I supposed to eat that?"

Even though Kate had called them in on a Sunday afternoon, the detectives had turned out without complaint. Some even brought lunch and desserts.

"Okay, now that we are all here I would like to personally thank you guys for coming in today. I know this is your day off but—"

"Don't worry about it, Beckett. You all have your back." A detective called from the middle of the group. Kate smiled and continued to thank them anyway.

"Okay, now that we've gotten that out. I need to know where we all stand. Detective Ryan?"

"I contacted the doctor and set up a meeting. I am heading over there tomorrow at noon for more information. As for today, I am open to help anyone else on their task," he stated.

"Good. Esposito?"

"I'm heading to the coffee shop on campus where Christopher Danes and Jerry Tyson met. Hopefully I can round out a few more witnesses. Maybe I can find someone who knows where he lives or where he goes," said Esposito.

"Great. Karpowski and L.T, I'm going to need both your teams to pull together and find anything you can on the internet. I want you to look up any digital ads up on the campus website anything that looks suspicious at all. Got it?"

"We're on it." Karpowski accepted.

L.T nodded.

"As for me, I am heading home." Kate let out a cover-up laugh, "I know that sounds really bad but I am going see what Alexis can tell me. She's got to have some information as to where they were being kept. Any questions?" When the detectives shook their heads, Kate finished, "Alright well, get to work. You know where to reach me." Kate headed off.

Esposito stepped forward and took a doughnut off the break room table and signaled for his partner to follow.

The two arrived on campus and quickly found the coffee shop. They walked in and quickly made themselves non to worker and costumers. With no luck from employees, Ryan and Esposito began talking to a few people who had previously been pointed out by workers as 'potential aiders.'

"_Nah, I haven't seen him around here. I've just started working here part time so I don't clock in many hours. You should talk to those guys by the video game," the barista pointed out, "They're here pretty often."_

"Hey, fellas, mind if we ask you a few questions?" Ryan flashed his badge.

The two men paused their game and turned around. "Yeah, sure," said the first.

"Have you ever seen this guy around here? He might have been going around offering jobs?" Asked Ryan as he held Jerry Tyson's photo up.

"Yeah, that's the dude that got into a fight with the manager last month. I haven't seen him since then." The second student stepped forward when he recognized the picture.

"Fight?" Ask Esposito, "what kind of a fight? What about?"

"I don't know, this dude," he pointed to the photo, "knocked over a ceramic coffee cup and it broke on the floor," he said.

"It seemed a little intentional to me," the other added. "I mean, this guy was going up to people and." He paused and looked at his friend, "it almost looked like he was trying to start fights. He was asked to leave the shop and not come back. He stopped in front of me before leaving and handed me a flyer."

"Alright, you got what you wanted. He is beginning to believe. I held up my part of the deal! This is over now."

"Ah, but it's just begun, Mr. Beckett. You see, he is just at the edge of believing and it's going to take a familiar face to push him off that edge. This is where I need you. This is where I have to trust you. However, I am not too sure that I trust you enough just yet." Tyson bargained.

Jim didn't like where this was heading. "If I do this one last thing, you will tell me everything I want to know?"

Jerry nodded, "I will tell you where your wife is."


	17. The Real Kate Beckett

I'm really sorry about the REALLY long wait. Hopefull,y when exams are up and I have all summer, I will be able to post more chapters quickly!  
I hope none of you were too upset by the wait. I hope this chapter makes up for it. :)

* * *

Long as the day had been, Kate's fatigue couldn't match her frustration. Kate slowed down at the light. Her phone began to ring and she pulled it up, holding it just below her chin. "Beckett," she answered.

"So Javi and I made the round on campus and in the coffee shop. Apparently, our boy Tyson was causing scenes in different places to get attention. A few students recognized his pictured and confirmed that he had been there quite often talking to students."

"Why would he make a scene like that? Why would he want to draw attention to himself?"

"Beats me," he replied, "but we did get a lead. A couple of guys from the coffee shop remembered him mentioning something about a job offer and handed them a flyer and information on how to contact him."

"Did we get that flyer?"

"We did. I'm sending you a photo right now."

"No, don't bother, Ryan. I'm on my way to Alexis and I can't really do anything with that information right now. Call Karpowski and L.T and make sure they get that information so their teams can track him from the information." Kate said.

"Um, Kate. I really think you want to see this." His voice became low and sincere.

"Ryan. Not right now, okay?" Before he could answer, Kate hung up and threw her phone on the passenger seat. She pulled her car to the curb and turned the key, shutting it off. She turned to watch the bus roll by. She turned back to face the front and tapped her temple subconsciously. Her phone rang once more but Kate hit the end button and chucked it over her shoulder to the back seat. It took her a few seconds before she gave up on trying to stop the tears. She brought her hands to her face as the sobs made their way out.

_"Have you ever considered having kids?" Rick leaned on his right elbow. He pulled his pillow closer to him, folded it in half and placed it under his head, causing it to lift him higher. "Starting a family?" He could sense her thinking. Kate Beckett was still a mystery to him. Even now, even after everything they'd been through together, he still found her unpredictable._

_Her brow creased, "I don't know. I guess… yeah, I guess I've always seen myself wanting a big family but after everything, it just doesn't seem right."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"When I was younger I always thought I'd live in the big fancy house with six kids and a huge dollhouse." Kate's eyes twinkled and Rick was captivated. "We'd all curl up on the couch after a long day at the office and watch movies until 2 a.m. on weekends. After my mother died I lost control." Rick stared at her. He was half amazed by her story. He was more amazed by her. "I mean, I had to hold strong for my dad. With everything he was going through I knew I couldn't flake out. With the drinking and me having to pick him up from bars early in the afternoon. I just lost myself. I vanished."_

_"You did what anyone would do in that position. You rose up to it. You took the responsibility when it wasn't yours to take. You were young, Kate. You were impressionable. You didn't deserve that. No one does." His left hand rubbed her arm gently. "You can't be afraid of the past. Not after everything you've been through."_

_"Castle, everything I've been through brought me here. It's made me who I am."_

_"But it doesn't have to determine who you'll be." Rick assured. Silence struck them like a chord. "You will be a great mother. You are caring. You are remarkable. You are extraordinary, Kate." Rick's eyes glistened as he urged her to see what he saw. "You are perfect."_

_"I'm far from perfect, Castle."_

_"Kate—"_

_"No, listen." Her eyes set straight into his. "A week after my mother died I went out with my boyfriend. After that trauma, I just wanted to feel again. He and his friends had planned to rob a drugstore. I tagged along." Kate's hand came up to brush the hair from her face, "saying it now, I feel like an idiot."_

_"You're not an idiot."_

_She smiled at him half-heartedly and continued, "as he and his friends took money from the cash register I snuck a few bottles of over-the-counter pain killers into my pockets." Kate didn't stop at the sight of Rick's confused expression, "I went home that night, sat on the floor in my room and popped the cap off. Almost smiling at the sound of the air as it rushed into the vacuumed-shut bottle. It had all played out perfectly. My dad was at the bar like he was every day at the same time." Confusion turned to concern. Rick wanted so badly to pull her close and never let go but he knew she had to get it out. He knew she had to say it. "I poured myself a few glasses of vodka. Glass after glass, the bottle began to look so small. So…harmless." Her eyes watered, "in that moment, I was ready. I was ready to go." A tear fell, hitting her pillow like a brick, "I was done." _

_Rick's hand slid to hers and he held it tight. A sign of hope in the dark. It was his way of letting her know she was never alone. _

_"I looked at them. Twenty-four little white capsules in my left hand and a glass full of vodka in the other. That's when I saw it, under a box I had placed on my table. A box of my mother's things._

_She said, "…In the box were things I hadn't gotten around to going through. Photos of us skating, opening Christmas presents. A picture my dad took of my mom and I watching Temptation Lane. I was bundled up in a light blue blanket with a box of tissues beside me. My mom held a bowl of soup in one hand and had her other arm slung over my shoulder as I leaned into her." Kate smiled at the thought, "I knew it had been taken by my father because he always put his finger in front of the flash." She laughed. "Along with the pictures were a few taped episodes of Temptation Lane and a home video. We had gone out for ice cream after I won my first competition. That box is where I found this." Kate placed her hand gently on her chest. Her index finger slid into the silver circle and she played with the ring on her necklace. "I pushed the box over, freeing the books it had been sitting on. It was a book I had bought just a week before but hadn't gotten around to opening it. The authors name printed across its front cover in white block letters. 'Richard Castle.' I let go of my glass and put the pills on the table. I spent the next hour buried within those pages. I remember thinking, 'there has got to be more out there. There has to be something out there that would make me feel again.' Out in the world I had barely lived in." She blinked away lingering tears, "so no, I'm not remarkable. I'm not extraordinary. I'm damaged. You helped fix me." She finished._

_"And I will be here helping until the very end. I'm with you until the wheels fall off. You don't ever have to feel that way again. I'm here. The real me."_

Kate forced her head up and wiped her tears away. She glanced in her review mirror just as her phone began to ring. Kate unclipped her seatbelt and squirmed her way between the two front seats. Her chest pressed against her armrest as her fingers stretched out toward her phone. She prompted herself up on her elbow, giving herself more room to reach, and swiped her phone off the back seat. Kate looked at the caller ID and quickly pulled it to her ear and cleared her throat, "Alexis, I'm on my way to you now. What's up?"

"Okay, I just wanted to know where you were. Ryan called and told me you were on your way. That was half an hour ago," said Alexis.

"Yeah, sorry. I got a little sidetracked. I'll be there in two minutes. Is everything okay?" Kate asked as she put the car in drive.

"Yeah, everything's fine."

"Alright, I'm almost there." Kate stepped on the gas pedal and crossed into the intersection. She looked down, pressed end, and placed her phone in the cup holder beside her. The sound of a car horn stunned her ear. Kate turned her head to the left and watched as a set of headlights crashed into her sending her vehicle twirling into the side of a brick wall.


	18. Dance, Puppet, Dance

Alright, hopefully that will be the longest 'break' I make you guys wait for a chapter. I truly am sorry but I just finished school two days ago and I ended up getting an extension an an assignment that was due yesterday and then I went straight to working on this chapter.

Anyways, enough about me. I hope you like this chapter! Don't feel shy to leave a review if you don't like something or if you do! :P

* * *

"Okay. Just tell me what I have to do." Jim wanted this to be over. He couldn't stand what Jerry was making him do. He didn't want this to be the way he got his answers but he needed to know. Jim often had a feeling his wife was still alive. Maybe she had been hiding until she found a way to take down the men who stood at the head of this conspiracy. Maybe she was waiting for the right time to strike. Or maybe she really was dead. Either way Jim couldn't drag Kate back down with him. Not after everything she went through. Not unless he was sure.

A week after Johanna died he noticed something. Although his eyes were clouded most afternoons, Jim came home to a very edgy Kate. He noticed a decrease in her eating habit. He thought that was normal considering the situation. He gave her space but often wondered if he had given her too much.

_"Katie?" He dragged his feet against the wooden flooring. Jim pulled a chair out from under the table and nearly stumbled onto it._

_Kate's bedroom door flew open at the sound of the screeching chair against the kitchen tiles. "Yeah?" She replied silently._

_He looked at her through clouded eyes. A spitting image of his late wife. Jim stared blankly at her for a moment. His head became heavier with every lingering second. He folded his arms and placed them on the table. His head followed shortly. "I'm sorry, Katie," he said as he closed his eyes and buried his nose in the crook of his elbow._

_The teen stood still for a moment. She looked at the floor and backtracked into her room. Closing the door, Kate leaned back against it. Her head tilted back. She shut her eyes tightly and bit down on her bottom lip._

A crowd began to gather. Smoke arose from the hood of the dark blue vehicle. Its rear, planted into the brown brick wall of the building behind it, leaked fluids. Gasps and worried looks came from the crowded sidewalk.

The front hood of a 2009 silver Nissan Versa showed major damages. The driver's door creaked open with force as a woman stepped out. She took a few steps to forward to look at what she had caused. A moment later the passenger's door swung open. A man with curly brown hair exited the vehicle and stood beside the woman, "we have to get out of here," he said as he wrapped his arm around her waist and returned to the car.

Bystanders rushed to the crashed car just as the couple entered her vehicle and left the scene. A man in his early forties pulled out his cellphone and handed it to the woman beside him, "call an ambulance," he ordered as he rushed to the car.

The woman inside lay still. Her arms flopped on either side of her still legs. Her head leaned against the frame of her door. A smear of blood trickled down from just above her temple where her skin grazed the broken window. Kate's life hung on the line.

The doorbell rang. Alexis stood up as fast as she could and made her way to the door, her left leg dragging a little behind. Alexis reached the door and placed her hand against it steadying the spinning room. She paused and closed her eyes for a moment. Her right hand came to her temple and she rubbed it. She opened her eyes and pulled the door open. "Detective Ryan, what are you doing here? Where's Kate?"

Ryan's face fell emotionless, "you mean she's not here yet?"

In that moment, the house phone rang and Alexis left a confused Ryan at the entrance of the loft. The voice on the phone told them that there had been an accident and they quickly made their way to the hospital.

"Kate?" Alexis called out as Ryan pushed the heavy, blue door open.

"Hey. Guys, I'm fine," said Kate as the two entered the room with worried faces. "See?" She stood up to prove she wasn't injured, "I'm completel-" Kate's face fell blank. Her eyes slowly closed as her limp body fell out of her control.

"Beckett!" Ryan's instincts took over. He appeared in front of her just as she gave out. Her body crashed against his and in one swift motion he held her still. "Beckett?" He called.

The nurse stepped into the room and immediately helped place her back on the bed. Alexis stood beside her and held her hand. "What happened to her? Is she going to be okay?"

The nurse fluffed Kate's pillow before turning to face young adult, "it seems she had crossed the intersection on a red light. She suffered some trauma to the head from a very traumatic car accident but other than that and a few cuts and bruises, she should be fine."

Ryan made his way out shortly after letting Alexis know he'd be back later that night. With Kate in the hospital, Ryan knew he had to take charge and make sure nothing slowed down in the investigation. It was what Kate would want.

Alexis listen to the doctor as he spoke to her about Kate's condition. Her mild concussion is what caused her to lose consciousness on scene and earlier at the hospital. Shortly after the doctor left Kate's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" asked Alexis from the chair she pulled up beside her.

Kate smiled at her and replied, "I'm fine." She brought her hands up to her head and held it for a moment.

"You're not fine, Kate. You've just been in an accident." Before Alexis could finish her thought Kate was forcing her way out of bed. Alexis forced herself up to stop Kate from leaving, "you have to take it slow," she finished as she placed one hand on Kate's shoulder. "Look, I am not strong enough to take you right now, but I sure as hell am not going to let you walk out of here so if it means I have to put everything I have into it, I will." Alexis looked down at her. She leaned solemnly on the arm that held Kate down. The force was both holding her up and Kate down. "Ryan left not long ago. He went back to the precinct and told me to make sure you knew that no one is close to giving up." In that moment Kate caught a glimpse of desperation in Alexis's eyes.

Kate placed her hand on Alexis' elbow and pulled her in for a reassuring hug, "I'm not giving up, Alexis. We'll get him back." Kate tightened her grip on Alexis just enough to reassure both of them but not enough to cause pain to either of the injured women. "If it's one thing I'm sure of, it's that your father _always_ comes back. No matter what."

"The man's name is Dustan Kaylic," Tyson reached out to hand Jim a piece of paper; "you'll find him at this address. I'm not saying it's a definite I'm just saying that he is the last person that I know of to have been with your wife."

"Can I ask you something?"

"No,"

"How did you know my wife? How did you know Johanna?"

Tyson stood still, unresponsive.

With the paper in his hand, Jim turned to walk out the door. He planned on leaving all this behind him. Everything he had done to get him what he wanted. He tried to wipe away his selfishness.

"Jim," Tyson called to him, "I do hope you find her."

Jim shot him a crooked smile, "what are you going to do with him?" Jim's head tilted toward the closed door just off to their right.

"Don't worry about Mr. Castle. After all, you did say the thought of him being with your daughter drove you insane."

Guilt washed over him. Jim turned his back on Tyson one last time and walked out. He knew what he had done, and what he had to tell Tyson to make him believe his hatred toward Rick was real. Could he live knowing that lie was the one thing Tyson reasoned with in sentencing Rick to his death?


End file.
